Relationship “BASICS”, do you have them?
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Are you Emotionally Healthy?
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annalisaotoole.com
Let’s look at what emotional health is so you can evaluate YOUR life, your dating life, your married life, your work life, and your relationships.
Emotionally healthy people seem to have balance. They usually have a specific purpose in life that drives their passion, and zest for accomplishment. They are generally stable, content folks who love life and have a great positive perspective on the world, faith, friends, family and relationships. Not to say they don’t make mistakes, or they don’t have challenges – we all have a different set of dysfunction that has different levels of crisis. Emotionally healthy people respond to difficult situations in a calm, but firm decisive manner, often supporting other’s and leading other’s to do the same. They are patient, they are kind, and they evaluate all options before hastily reacting too quickly, even in the midst of a traumatic situation. Emotionally healthy people tend to set boundaries, and live life proactively. They are usually well respected in their field or profession, and have a close network of supporters.
In my life coaching experiences, I have become aware of common traits within a large populations of emotionally unhealthy individuals. Unhealthy emotions usually cause broken relationships, job loss, addictions, depression, and many other forms of life dysfunction. However, most emotionally unhealthy people don’t realize that their emotions are the culprit to their bigger problems. So, I have decided to create a checklist. This checklist serves as a guide, for one to gauge their emotional health. If you check one or more of these symptoms, you might want to consider emotional healing therapy. Emotional blocks can create problems such as stress, depression, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of loss, fear of success. Problems themselves are sometimes not as difficult as dealing with the emotional state we feel trapped in because of these fears. Lack of spirituality (experiencing oneness with God) and establishing your life’s purpose can create feelings of worthlessness, and an undeserving spirit can intensify emotional unhealthy behaviors.
Thoughts and beliefs create fear or faith. Fear or faith thought creates feelings, feelings create responses, responses create actions that determine our destiny. So, emotions play a huge role in happiness, in experiencing peace, and experiencing joy and balance in life, but these things begin with ‘thoughts’.
Look through this checklist and check all that apply. If you have more than one checked, consider your emotional health, your emotional well-being, and consider making some changes to move forward toward a balanced life with one or more of the following solutions: Seeking Life Coaching, Emotional Healing therapy, Regular Church attendance, speaking and consulting with your pastor or priest, joining a group, or meetup group in your area of interest (go to meetup.com to register FREE) visit a library or bookstore and look for a self-help book in the area of your need…
Here’s the Emotional Checklist (remember, these symptoms indicate there ‘may’ be an issue):
- Sometimes I cry for no reason
- I feel high anxiety at least once a day and don’t know why
- I have panic attacks
- I feel anxious in social situations, sometimes just wanting to leave
- I feel quick to anger, often
- My emotions often elevate, causing me to feel stress, almost daily about little things
- People get on my nerves so much lately
- I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my own skin sometimes
- I feel agitated or irritated often
- I have low-energy, very lethargic, very unmotivated these days
- I tend to talk a lot more than I listen
- I think more about past events or worry about future ones, than the present moments
- I feel lost and confused, alone and isolated, worried and uncertain much of the time
- I find myself wondering, Why am I even here? What is the point of life anyway?
- I tend to ‘latch-on’ in a new relationship quickly, I fall in love easily
- I tend to have worry or anxiety in a relationship when things seem uncertain
- I have trouble feeling comfortable when I am alone, I don’t like to be alone
- I have trouble following through, or following up, or completing tasks
- I get very troubled when things don’t go my way
- When my expectations are not met, I get very stressed out
- I forget things a lot
- I over eat or snack a lot
- I turn to alcohol or a pill often to remedy my ailments
- It seems as though everyone is thriving in life, sometimes I feel left behind
- Small things bother me a lot, I’m not a perfectionist, just like to be organized
- There’s always a lot of drama around me
- I have always had relationships where there are rocky roads, roller coasters of ups and downs
- I am estranged from a parent or a sibling (not in contact, not actively in a relationship)
- I am having trouble finding or keeping a job
- I get very upset at work a lot
- I stay overworked, tired, and frustrated lately
- I can’t tell you the last book I read and enjoyed
- I can’t remember the last vacation I had
If you checked off more than one, or a lot of these symptoms, you could certainly use some help, guidance, or coaching on a few things. First, and foremost, seeking help to find the ‘root’ of your issue causing the symptoms is critical in creating the resolution. Second, finding the right person to help you – and third, being open to ideas, or diagnosis that will direct your path toward better living, and less worry or stress, and acquiring new skills to remedy your negative energy and thoughts and turn your emotional well-being into a positive power house!!
If one emotionally healthy person attached to an unhealthy emotional person, someone will always be fixing, helping, coaching, assisting, and trying hard to alleviate their partners problem. If two emotionally healthy people are paired up, they will usually have a harmonious, and balanced relationship filled with joy, peace, and fun because they are both ‘individually’ balanced. If two emotionally unhealthy individuals are paired up, there will be hell on earth. Love – hate relationship, constant turmoil, and constant problems is this match, for sure. This relationship can be witnessed on almost any episode of The Jerry Springer show.
If you or someone you love is NOT getting what they most want in life, they are NOT experiencing positive relationships, or satisfaction in their career, or happiness within their family, chances are, they need a little extra guidance. Individuals, with the assistance of a someone, should look within themselves – there’s a whole untapped world in there- to find the answers, and the balance they are seeking. It includes though, shedding old beliefs, old patterns and behaviors that do not serve them well, and identifying what blocks they may have, keeping them from their full potential either in work, in relationships, or personally. This is what the purpose of Emotional healing therapy can provide.
The holidays can be stressful. If you are experiencing emotional pain of any kind, or minor emotional difficulties, then it is highly recommended you consider gifting yourself with the best gift of all, Self-help, personal growth, through Life Coaching. Coaching isn’t for the weak, it is for the strong people who already made the team! You’ve got to be on the team to get coached! Coached players win. Coached players score. Coached players are teachable. Coached players thrive. Coached players are CHAMPIONS!
CHEERS! this holiday season for finding your emotional healthy balance!
This blog has been brought to you by Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole
Enriching Relationships, Healing Hearts, Inspiring Dreams!
For more info or Life Coaching, visit: <a title="Inspired Life Coaching" href="http://www.inspiredliving.wordpress.com" target="_blank"http://www.inspiredliving.wordpress.com
“The List”…a guide for dating
“The List”…a guide for dating
Many people make the mistake of ‘falling into infatuation’ with the ‘illusion’ the person they are attracted to, is or could be, ‘the one’. They are in hopeful mode that the deeper character of this person is a match for what their personal needs are, so they move forward in the relationship, only to get disappointed after they become ‘emotionally connected’ because things aren’t working out. Their expectations are not met, and the whole ordeal is a big disappointment. To keep yourself ‘guarded’, and determining if this person is a match, to keep from becoming too emotionally connected too fast…here is a sample list of qualities. It is important to have
the list….
Henry Ford SAW the Model T in his mind before he developed it. Abraham Lincoln had a VISION in his mind of leading as an influential politician, running 9 times before being elected. Hank Aaron struck out way more times than he hit home runs because he was CLEAR on hitting homeruns and determined. BELIEVE in your soul mate. ASK God to bring you favor for a companion that is well suited and aligned with your needs and desires. TRUST that God is bringing this person to you. BE CLEAR WHO THEY NEED TO BE, by making a list. Use this one as a guide. Tweak it, Delete things, add things, and re-word things. But, HAVE YOUR LIST!!
This is a real list created for a client that she and I created, as she was having trouble evaluating whether to continue in dating after certain qualities or characteristics became apparent.
I am sending this to you because I didn’t know if you had a list, and hoping this will bring you much success in your dating endeavors!!
Love & Friendship ~
Life Coach Annalisa
P.S. IT WORKS!!
THE LIST:
- IDENTIFY the Characteristics you must have in someone.
- IDENTIFY the Personal needs you must have in a relationship.
- IDENTIFY the Must-haves within a relationship.
- IDENTIFY the Red Flags that sabotage a relationship.
- IDENTIFY your Values to determine if someone’s values match yours or come close.
Characteristics & Must Haves: Someone who…
- Is financially stable and manages their money well.
- Is able to talk and communicate about thoughts and feelings.
- Is emotionally healthy.
- Is able to converse about many subjects.
- Can civilly discuss differences-NO: yelling, name calling, changing subject, interrupting)
- Does not get angry or defensive & communicates without harshness.
- Understands me; we get each other; get on the same page consistently.
- Asks questions to seek understanding before jumping to assumptions.
- Clearly communicates desires, and goals.
- Listens to me, and has input about my ideas, goals, and plans.
- Likes to have fun.
- Engaged with my children, enjoys activities with family.
- emotionally available to me (for my needs, and needing me for theirs)
- has a strong work ethic, likes what they do, has passionate purpose
- Loves the Lord, and there are fruits in their life to show that.
- Goes to church not because I do, but because they like to go.
- approaches our dating decisions as a ‘team’ – brings ‘us’ together on things
- Takes responsibilities for personal choices, actions and obligations – not blaming or finding excuses for things in their control.
- A gentleman –or- A Classy woman (well mannered) (socially fits into different type environments)
- is patient
- is kind
- is not self-centered
PERSONAL NEEDS LIST: Someone who…
- is thoughtful
- does not criticize me
- Encourages and praises and compliments.
- provides me with affirmations that we are secure and they are happy
- makes me feel important
- Makes me feel needed.
- someone who makes me feel accepted for who I am
- takes the time to know my heart, my desires, my favorite things
- is helpful to me
- is charming and uses words to affirm their feelings and adoration for me
- Accepts and understands my children, their weaknesses & their strengths.
- has positive, warm, energy when I am around
- always has a kind word to say
- Treats other’s they don’t know well in a kind pleasant way.
- Will listen to my feelings, even if it’s constructive criticism, and converse without argument about it, doesn’t easily get defensive, can discuss feelings with ease.
- Can get to know me on a deep level, without making me feel judged.
- Does not put me down, passively or openly.
- See’s my weaknesses, but cares about me, and is patient with me anyway.
- can laugh with me, not ‘at me’ about things
- is proud to have me beside them
- displays affection
- soothes me when I’m upset rather than get angry that I’m upset
- will stay in close communications, talking and texting – so I’m not guessing
- will be understanding of my past, and allow me time to grow through issues
- Will have my back about things rather than try to tell me I’m wrong; or if I am wrong, tells me in a loving constructive way, not a way that is hurtful.
- inspires me, encourages me, and creates positive energy when we’re together
- is romantic
- shares, is kind-hearted, generous, helpful, and fair
- initiates plans and creates plans, not one who counts on me to do it all
VALUES:
- values companionship (romance, team, fun, communication, laughter, travel, prayer)
- values family (time, patience, fun, planning, providing, encouragement, )
- values God (attends church, talks openly about relationship, strives for best)
- values priorities (financially responsible, work ethic, puts relationship 1st, )
***First, you should determine YOUR personal VALUES and then you know if someone else will be an ideal match because you will share the same ones – in the top 4-6, if at least 2 are the same, the relationship can work. If NO values are matched in two people’s top 6, trouble can occur. People make decisions based on their inner values – so expectations would constantly be unmet if people had vastly differing values.
RED FLAGS:
- Needs to borrow money, or have you front money until…, needs you to buy something to get paid back later, and needs you to co-sign on something. Needs to borrow an item, or your time, or your labor, etc…on a consistent basis. These are all indicative that they are financially, or otherwise- unstable. Financially unstable people over 40 usually stay that way. How to determine this: Look and listen for clues that they have ‘borrowed’ someone else’s item or items. They may have some type of loan owed to a friend or loved one. They are currently renting from a friend or staying with a friend or relative. (Understandable if a young student) They may be driving a car owned by someone else, but no plans to buy it. They sometimes have a part time job, or in a job that is temporary, are unemployed, or job-hoppers. Takers.
- Picks at little things about you. Makes critical remarks or points out little discrepancies about you. Try’s to appear as though they are teasing, but they do not sandwich these comments with praises, adoration, compliments, or encouragement. Corrects you. Seems disturbed when you’re confused or make a mistake, rather than correct in a gentle- fun, way with laughter. Belittlers.
- Is not interested in spending time with your children, friends, or family. Their time around your children is just when he’s around you; he doesn’t make an effort or show attention or understanding to grow a relationship with them individually.They seem disinterested in your friends and family is a sign they may not be that into you. Or, they may be a control freak and unappreciated your love of family, friends, and people because they want you to their self. BIG HUGE FLAG HERE. Homewreckers.
- Doesn’t take you or want to go out. They always want to ‘hang out’, but not ‘go out’…They only call at the last minute or doesn’t make a plan or agree with a plan in advance. They seem to only need you late at night. Or they may only see you after they have been drinking or has been elsewhere in the day or evening. They are not making you an important ‘part’ of their world, but making you a ‘part-time- good-time friend’ outside their world-but their words tell you otherwise. They sleep with you, but may have another sexual partner(s). (Ex. Someone married or in another relationship, or getting out of a relationship, someone who travels a lot, someone who is not committed exclusively to you, etc…) Homebodies.
- Breaks their word. When someone breaks their word, or commitment, it makes a person feel rejected. It creates the belief inside of us, that we are unimportant, and something else is ‘more’ important. Emergencies and unexpected things happen, but if this happens frequently – BE WEARY. A person who honors their word is a person of deep, good character. People who break their word often are usually unstable emotionally, uncommitted to a purpose or plan. Tumbleweeds.
- Lacks a purpose, or ‘focus of passion’ in some defined area of their life! People with a passionate purpose, a defined interest of some kind, whether intertwined with work, or missions, or church related or voluntarily or hobby oriented, are just not as interesting and they are just wondering and many times unhappy and searching for contentment. They lack vision, or clear direction, and will be the type of person who may continue on a quest for direction only to fail at attempts to find it, or become discouraged. They potentially may stop a continued effort and become a stagnant type person who is growing weary of life in general. A person with passion in some area of life is a person who most likely, will not depend on another person for happiness, but embrace a great relationship to be an extension of their inner joy and mission. Question to determine: What inspires you? Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? What are you passionate about most in life?Drifters.
- Doesn’t feel comfortable talking about feelings. If you encounter an emotionally unavailable person, RUN! How to determine this: They do not ask questions to gather more information when you begin talking about your feelings. They may become agitated with the conversation. They may immediately stop the conversation, leave the room, get distracted, create avoidance, or change the subject. Funtimers.
- Quick tempered, easily frustrated or upset, or easily angered. This is a sign of an unhealthy emotional person who obviously has some unresolved issues within themselves. They are often the very people who ‘twist’ your feelings into making you feel as though YOU have done something wrong, or behaved hastily – when in fact, they have hurt you, and aren’t healthy enough to ‘hear’ your hurt or why. How to determine this: Listen closely to their tones and attitudes toward challenges that arise in their life, they will display this toward things outside of you long before they will demonstrate this to you in the beginning of a relationship. Signs are: easily agitated with a slow server, easily argumentative with a someone over a small situation, finds fault quickly with others, shows frustration over the slightest setback, complains about work a lot, has disagreements with people often in their circle of influence, is estranged from a family member (parent, sibling, child, former partner, etc) Maddogs.
- Has not lived alone or outside of being involved in a relationship. This is usually a sign that this person has trouble being alone. A person who is not comfortable being alone, is usually not in tune with their inner self. Often they do not like their self, sometimes they can be insecure. They possibly can be co-dependent, not always a good choice, because no one wants to be connected to someone who is needy-clingy. Question for them to determine this: How long have you lived alone, or been in the single lifestyle without being involved in a relationship? Dependents.
- Seems to always see the glass half-empty, has a down-spirit about them, shows a negative attitude toward work, life, people, and challenges –This person seems ‘mad at the world’ or- only happy when they are around other’s, in a party, or at a social event, but down when they are in a quiet setting, alone, or with just you. This type of person is subtle at first with these type characteristics, but then starts showing stronger signs of them. This is usually a sign of a depressed person, or an introverted person who is unhappy, and feels unfulfilled in some way. This type individual often looks for and is attracted to someone outgoing, a happy energetic person. They tend to seek out positive energetic souls to make them feel accepted and worthy – but when a person doesn’t discover this on their own, within their self, their relationships will have difficulties. Question to determine this: What do you love most about yourself? People down on life will be down on their self, and most likely have terrible trouble answering this. Downers.
- Doesn’t attend church regularly. Not really interested in growing in a relationship with God. Doesn’t really talk about God, or Faith, or Spiritual things. Fruits of the spirit are not apparent in this person’s life (love, joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, patience (not pushing your way), gentleness (self-control))
Question for them to determine this: So, what’s God doing or showing you, in your life right now?
Unconscious.
- Draws attention to their self.In the way they dress, or the tone of their voice, or they are flirtatious regularly, or they purposely go out of their way to flaunt a behavior or talk about a subject to capture the attention of a proposed interested party – they buy personal gifts, or lavish gifts -or provide cooked items or favors over and above the normal (usually for the opposite sex) in an attempt to gain approval, or get affirmed, or just get attention. It can harm a developing relationship because these types of gestures are always misunderstood, and usually the ‘doer’ justifies their behavior as being a ‘good friend’. Beware of these types of individuals – they are searching for affirmations externally rather than find it within. Exhibitionists.
I Hope you will evaluate and tread easily into new relationships, or your current one with a greater knowledge and understanding of who you are, what you need, and create healthy boundaries, so you know who is meant in your life for a moment, a season, or a lifetime! Create your personal list….BELIEVE in this person, TRUST in God’s favor, KNOW you are deserving of this partner for life, and your soul mate will manifest!!!
Happy Dating!! May you discover your last first kiss soon!!
Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole
The ideas expressed in this blog are the sole opinions and professional advice of Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole and are for individual voluntary reading and insight is based upon personal perspective. This material is intended to be used as a guide and may not be suited for everyone.
Attachment…
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Do you feel an ‘Attachment’ to things? THINGS are so often ‘attached’ to feelings. We may feel powerful in a particular style suit. We may ‘feel’ prestigious driving the model car we are so attached to. (Mine would so be the Jag- if money were plentiful) I feel ‘organized’ attached to my old school, paper-binder-day-planner. Some feel attached to their job, which is often their passion, so their own identity is affiliated to this career attachment, that’s what makes it so difficult sometimes for some to lose their job. It wasn’t just the loss of a pay-check; their job was where they subconsciously attached their self-worth or their sense of belonging. The most fulfilling, and yet, ironically- the most devastating attachment of course, I’m sure you could guess it, is the special RELATIONSHIP attachment. People make or break us. We receive so many fulfillments in human relationships. This is the exact reason people are so attached to pets – their need to always have a companion, a never-failing friend, one who is always wagging a tail, licking, or happy to see us, or in the case of certain pets, just always there – never mind we are keeping them captive!!
Attachment could possibly be good and bad. Attachment is bittersweet. Attachment is part of life for monetary and relational benefits. So…the big questions people ask about this subject…
WHY AM I SO ATTACHED TO THIS?
WHEN DID I BECOME SO ATTACHED?
HOW DO I UNATTATCH MYSELF?
The only people NOT asking these type questions are those people still attached to something; so they aren’t missing that person or thing they are attached to. Other’s not asking, are simply people who are not attached.
Most people do not even realize they are extremely attached to something. It just happens, day-in and day-out like the sunrise and sunset.
So…the question is this: Is attachment good or bad? Is attachment good with some things and in some areas, and not good in other area’s? Here’s what the coach says….
If the person or thing you’re attached to is YOUR WHOLE WORLD…this is unhealthy. Healthy attachments are the keys to emotionally healthy lives. If you make an attachment your world, your world will crumble. If you make your expectations or your preferences your attachment, you will experience disappointment. If your lifestyle, your career, your passions, your creativity and contribution, and your service to others doesn’t derive from a peaceful place within you, in other words, you place these vital needs in things outside yourself, or in monetary things, you will surely experience hardship, hurt, and major crisis throughout your life. There is only one way to experience and provide yourself with healthy attachments…BE ATTACHED AND ADDICTED TO GOD WITHIN YOU! When you are living a life guided by the Holy Spirit, you are living with peace, harmony and an understanding that God may only allow people and things to be in your life for a brief moment, a season, or a lifetime. The only attachment that is NOT jeopardized is your relationship attachment to our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus creates us to feel alive, feel at peace, provides us the desire to love and serve others. Here’s a list of how God can make you feel when you allow Him into your life:
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR TALENTS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR GIFTS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR PREFERRENCES, NEVER SETTLING.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR DESIRES AND DEEPEST NEEDS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR IDEAL MATE, NOT SETTLING.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR HOBBIES and INTERESTS.
He’ll help you feel great about FORGIVING YOURSELF AND TRULY LOVING YOURSELF.
He’ll help you feel great about DETERMINING YOUR PLANS YOUR DREAMS.
He’ll help you feel great about ALLOWING YOURSELF TO DREAM.
He’ll help you feel great about BEING SO FOCUSED ON YOUR ASPIRATIONS THAT NOTHING CAN DETOUR YOU.
He’ll help you UNDERSTAND AND KNOW THAT ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE IS NOT CREATING OR DEFINING WHO YOU ARE, HE ALREADY DETERMINED THAT! IT’S UP TO US TO GO TO HIM AND DISCOVER MORE!
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT ATTACHMENT TO A TITLE OR POSITION IS NOT YOUR TRUE IDENTITY.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT HE MADE YOU IN HIS LIKENESS, SO YOU ARE POWERFUL, GREAT, AND TALENTED!
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT “HOW SOMEONE TREATS YOU IS ABOUT THEIR TRUE CHARACTER, NOT YOURS.”
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT NOTHING ON EARTH IS A GUARANTEE, BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHERE YOU ARE, OR WHO YOU’RE WITH!
REMEMBER, it’s up to you, to make it a fabulous day! BE HEALTHFULLY ATTACHED TO ALL GOD GUIDES YOU TO, AND BECOME unattached TO ALL unhealthy PEOPLE OR THINGS THAT DO NOT SERVE YOUR PURPOSE GOD HAS PLACED WITHIN YOU!!!
Coach Annalisa
http://www.annalisaotoole.com
I’m so broke…
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If you’re broke, how long do you want to stay that way? Do you have a dream you haven’t started? Why not? Is it because you don’t believe you can? Is it because you don’t know how? Is your failure to step up because you’re afraid you’ll get egg on your face and fall down? Is Fear bigger than your dream? Is that it? Oh…wait, is it that you’re UNCOMFORTABLE with doing things the way the successful people taught other’s to imitate? – it’s an uncomfortable ‘fit’, the way other’s are doing it, and you just don’t feel as smart as them? or, you don’t feel you have the ‘magic’ touch, or the right ‘words’ or the ‘way with people’ like they do? Do you think those successful people were born with the words, the touch, the magic? WRONG. They acquired confidence, wisdom of the business, and people skills by DOING THE UNCOMFORTABLE for so long, they learned the art and gift of getting what they wanted. They learned quickly, their DREAM was bigger than their FEAR. They learned fast that the obstacles they thought were ‘signs’ to STOP or QUIT, or GO DO THAT OTHER THING were actually stepping-stones of lessons that actually propelled them forward.
If your tired ~~~~~~ of being sick and tired, GO FOR YOUR DREAM!! YOU CAN DO IT!! Here’s a list of things to start doing TODAY!!
1. Connect with people who have already accomplished your dream, gone on before you to succeed, and LISTEN to them – daily if you have to. Get Coached. Hear their success stories, take their advice.
2. Connect with other winners who believe in you, who encourage you, who care about you, who want you to rise up!!
3. DISCONNECT to people who emotionally drain you, who pull your energy down, who lean toward the negative, who are always in a crisis, who ‘need you’, but do not contribute to your goals or dreams. You can get back to helping the needy when you’ve arrived at the goal you are after right now.
4. Do not expect resources to come, or delay getting started because of a lack of them — God does not call the equipped, he equips the called. Put on your running shoes, that’s all you need for right now, let God bring the other stuff in time.
5. If you can see it, believe in it, you CAN ACHIEVE IT!! Go…..Go….Run!!! Go after it with all your heart!
6. Don’t allow other’s to rain on your parade. Other’s will put down what they don’t understand and what they are not willing to do for themselves!!
7. Many will tell you – you’re doing the impossible. Your belief must be stronger than their lack of wisdom, lack of faith, and lack of confidence to go outside their own comfort zone. Just say to them “Well, you keep doing what you’re doing, I’ll keep on working toward my dream, I sure hope I’ll be seeing you on the beaches of the world, cause that’s where I’ll be!!!
8. NEVER GIVE UP!! The easy way out is the illusion that the grass is greener on the other side -(it’s only greener where you water and fertilize it) and it’s easy to forget what first prompted your spirit toward your dream and the opportunity God gave you; the hard part, is sticking it out – you know, those the challenging situations long enough to learning the lessons intended, and moving forward anyway!!!
9. Get your priorities in order. First things first. Be a good time manager. Learn to NOT allow creative avoidance. Learn to say “no” to what isn’t helping you meet new people, inspire you toward your dream, or family oriented. Say yes to the activities that will align with your great big goals, and take on ‘extra’s’ later, when money is rolling in, and you have a balance with your work activity. Here are great words when your faced with having to turn away someone or something: “Thank you so much for thinking of me, that’s a great opportunity, but I am working on a great big goal right now, catch me next time!”
10. PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL/BOY britches, and don’t sweat the small stuff! If someone says I don’t know – I just don’t think so, or they say ‘NO, no way’, learn to work through that, to get to the real objective, or learn to let go. Learn the art of not taking things personal. Learn to let go of someone who can’t say yes or no. Learn that to get to enough yes’, you have to get a lot of no’s. No’s are the major part of any program, any new idea, and any new endeavor. Challenge yourself to get 10 no’s, bet you can’t do it, and if you do, I bet you’re about to get a breakthrough for a big number of yes’!! Don’t interpret a lot of No’s as, it’s not the right opportunity for you, but rather, consider it a learning curve. YOUR CURVED in your presentation or approach, most likely. Get a new approach, or alter the things that are not working. Watch and learn from those who are succeeding. Pray over your weaknesses, be open and teachable. Learn to accept constructive criticism.
Who am I to write such harsh words of wisdom on going for your dreams? What would I know about putting down fears? I am a Life Coach who put FEAR first, before determining my WHY, and then planning my HOW. I was motivated, but exasperated over my own inability to FEAL the FEAR, and DO IT ANYWAY!! NOW, I am no longer afraid…look out world, here I go!! Who’s coming with me?
YOUR DREAMS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SADNESS OVER WHAT’S NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE. YOU HAVE THE POWER AND THE POTENTIAL TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION. CHANGE IT TODAY, DON’T DELAY YOUR DREAM ANY LONGER!! WHEN YOU MAKE MORE MONEY, YOU’LL HAVE MORE CHOICES. BE MORE, GIVE MORE, BY DOING MORE!!! DON’T BE SHY. YOU WERE BORN TO SHINE!! YOU ARE A WINNER, YOU’RE JUST NOT PLAYING THE GAME ENOUGH FOR YOUR SCORES TO SHOW UP!!!
GOOD LUCK!! WISHING YOU THE BEST YEAR EVER, A YEAR FOR ACCOMPLISHING ALL YOUR DREAMS…..I HOPE I’LL BE SEEING YOU ON THE BEACHES OF THE WORLD BECAUSE I’LL BE THERE!!
COACH ANNALISA ~
WWW.INSPIREDLIFECOACHING.NET
God’s delay…
God’s delay is not His denial. People get frustrated when things aren’t happening. People doubt God’s presence in their lives; first, because they can’t physically see Him. Second, they can’t see solutions or progress to their (or other’s) problems. But the key to patience and faith when life’s
challenges come, is to fix your eyes upon the “unseen”. This is practiced by so few people because most people reserve “spiritual thoughts” for church attendance. But Jesus taught us to, “be ye not conformed unto this world but fix your eyes upon things above.”
We do have to get along in this world. We have to adapt. We must comply with laws, and must be kind to others, but we are not bound by wordly ways, we aren’t prisoner of society pressures, or under order’s to certain expectations or trends. When we feel pressure to comply with secular or popular choices, it is then, we have “conformed” unto wordly ways.
So, how then, do we shift our eyes to the “unseen” for patience, for peace, for harmony, through our trials? If I were to ask this question, the answers would be similar, as most would say: prayer, a close friend, clergy, or family member to mentor you, and some would say going to church more. While all these practices could aide in preparing our hearts and minds for spiritual matters, there is still, yet one method so few people practice. It’s the solution to self-comfort, self-realization, self-awareness, but it’s not self absorbed, or selfish. It’s not a popular act. In fact, it is often critisized, and viewed as some third world country ritual, it is thought to be new age, sacreligious, or part of a cult. It is looked upon by many as un-christianlike.
The secret to “setting your eyes upon the things above” is MEDITATION. Indeed there are many types of meditation. But think about this, if one is quietly focused on “one area” of life at a time, not the negative aspects at all, but the mere moment you’re presently in, the mere breath you take, the gratefulness of life and your life as it is right now, it is rejuvenating!! How can the Lord show you the way, if your eyes and focus are always invloved in what’s going on outside yourself. But, taking time to listen to your heart, Listen to your soul, your gut feeling. The Holy spirit can work in and through you when you stop, and take time to listen…to get in the quiet, to really hear Him speaking into your mind. Hearing, seeing, and feeling can all be as one when you’re in quiet meditation, allowing God to move through you. It’s empowering.
The “secular” way of life is allowing constant wordly events to predict your behaviors rather than responding from a convicted, passionate place within, where there’s little to no doubt, fear, or worry. And strong meditators can shift these feelings more quickly because they realize they come from a dark unatural place, and want more for their lives than energy spent on such.
If you would like a beginners CD for guiding you in a meditation, I have them available. Be careful of meditations on You Tube, or internet meditations, as the source may not be credible to your beliefs or motives.
Remember, in the LOUD and ACTIVE events of life, our brain can stop being creative. Help your mind be stimulated. In the quiet meditation of your mind, body and soul, this is where God can speak to you personally. It is quite intimate, and many people fear this. This intimacy with yourself and God can be the antidote for longsuffering, self-doubt, and feeling blocks toward moving forward in life in the direction of your dreams!!
Happy Meditations and Prayers,
Coach Annalisa
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net
678-431-6528 consult or CD orders
Boundaries
There’s A LOT of people unable to set boundaries. Boundaries are your personal beliefs being carried out. Boundaries can be defending these beliefs with a paricular action.For example, if you believe strongly in attending worship weekly- you strive to attend church weekly for yourself. Some people turn their boundaries into expectations. This can be good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. An example of an
unhealthy action in this example would be ‘expecting’ someone else to attend church with you. The unhealthy part, is when a person projects their expectation onto someone else, they will most likely be dissappointed, as people don’t always share our values, beliefs, or priorities. Healthy relationships recognize differences, and don’t constantly work against them.
Lack of setting boundaries can prevent others from respecting you,prevent your deeper expectations to be met for yourself, and prevent peace and balance in your life.
Setting boundaries takes confidence, strong sense of self, and faith. Setting boundaries is the ability to let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Setting boundaries is perceived as your knowledge of inner convictions, (firm decisions) you’ve established for your life.
Lack of communicating your boundaries, but continuing to expect different outcomes causes frustration, stress, and dissappointment. Lack of communicating your beliefs and boundaries also creates confusion, chaos and many times, leads to arguements.
Boundaries are not commands. They are not orders. They are not ultimatums, nor manipulative directives. They are not random acts in reactions to others. Boundaries should be peaceful decisions you’ve decided on, in advance, after careful research, prayer and consideration. Communicating your needs should not be arguementative, it’s not mean, or hateful, and you shouldn’t feel guilty expressing yourself. There is no need to sugar coat, or defend your belief. Simply stated is best.
Here are some examples of healthy boundaries in Christian Dating:
*I don’t kiss or express affection unless I’m in a committed relationship.
*I don’t like or go to horror films
*I like talking early evenings, I turn my ringer off at 9:30pm because I get up at 5 am M-F.
We don’t express our boundaries because of the following:
~We don’t want to hurt feelings or let someone down. (if this is the case, your lowering your self-worth, and saying their expectations are more important than your inner desires.)
~We are afraid they won’t like us, or think less of us, judge us, or reject us (if this is true, then again, we’ve given them power to judge us based on false beliefs, false values! You’re giving them permission to decide Who ‘they’ think we are, vs. who we ‘really’ are!) Relationships with unmatched values are the most difficult. The best test on matching values is: DON’T BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES, LIKES, DISLIKES, BELIEFS!!)
~We are afraid of being alone. (If this is true, you’re sacrifycing your inner peace, and deeper needs just to have someone there.) This is a recipe for future relational diseaster!! At some point, your unfulfilled needs will grow heavier than your need to be in a relationship, and it’s harder to disconnect because you haven’t spoken up before about these needs (boundaries); so now, you’re caught with egg on your face…it’s as if you lied!!
Be true to yourself. God made you in His image, so your inner needs are God~instilled. You are special, and there IS someone who will appreciate and adore you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
BOUNDARIES define your greatness.
BOUNDARIES show you like YOU!
BOUNDARIES earn respect.
BOUNDARIES are who you are!
BOUNDARIES influence others.BOUNDARIES create self~esteem.
BOUNDARIES give others insight.
BOUNDARIES affirm confidence.
BOUNDARIES teach who you are.
BOUNDARIES prevents stress.
BOUNDARIES are cake for leaders.
BOUNDARIES lack in weak people.
BOUNDARIES are different from
Expectations which are about others, boundaries are about YOU!!
Happy Boundary setting…(define yourself!! Communicate your
boundaries!! Be who you are, not who you think some
one else wants you to be!!)
Coach Annalisa~
Website:
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net
Follow me on Twitter: @coachannalisa
You are WORTHY…
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Hello Friends!! Due to popular setbacks in my Life Coaching Client world, I decided to share an amazing blog of words for you to recite…repeat…and meditate on. Affirmations, otherwise known as ~SELF-TALK~ can influence your mind, reach your subconcious, create new beliefs…this GREATLY determines your emotions, actions & life!! These words, will empower you to have more positive thoughts, a better self~image, & start your day with abundant thinking…a can~do attitude to accomplish all goals, tackle obstacles, & move forward with a peaceful & enlightened spirit to seize the day!
Here are the words to say DAILY…
Thank you, Lord, for my blessings.
Thank you for making me special.
Thank you for creating my life.
Thank you for my gifts & talents.
Help me add value to others lives.
Help me contribute to others success
Help me overcome challenges.
Help me think positively & lovingly
Show me what I need to do.
Show me where I need to go.
Show me who I need to serve.
Show me who needs help.
Show me the path to take.
Because I’m made in your image~
I know I’m great & can do gr8 things
I know I can be the difference
I know I can make progress
I know I can use my gifts for good
I know I am talented
I know my talents will serve others
I know I’m worthy of greatness
I know I ‘ve fallen short in the past!
I forgive myself.!
I am forgiving the others.!
I am letting go of the past.!
I move forward with positiveness!
I am at peace.!
I choose loving responses to others!
I am controlling my thoughts!
I am controlling my emotions.!
I am remaining calm & considerate!
I am respectful of others!
I respond in kindness!
I am not worrying, I live in Faith!
I live by Faith not Fear to guide me!
I am happy, healthy, & fabulous!
I am making wise, Christian choices!
I am creating the best me!
I declare excellence in my life!
I declare blessings to approach me!
I declare tranquility in my life!
I declare emotional health in my life
I declare positive people in my life!
I declare healthy relationships!
I allow the Holy Spirits guidance
I am following Christ
I am creating my best life now!!
To order an audio prayer CD for personal empowerment, call the Coach!!
…..remember, its up to YOU to make it a FABULOUS DAY!!
Life Coach, Relationship Specialist & Inspirational Speaker,
Annalisa O’Toole
678.431.6528
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net
Online Life Coaching | askannalisa.com 