Is Controversy YOUR new Normal?

Every. Single. Day. There it is, right there in the headlines; a major controversial theme for the day, which can sometimes take over the news and media for weeks. Saints vs. Rams, Native American vs. Catholic teens, Wall funding vs. Congress, Kavenough vs. Ford, the list could go on for days on end. It has become such a normal part of our daily living, daily news, and daily conversations that I am very concerned for our marriages, our newlyweds, our premarital couples, our young adults, and our future leaders!

The constant controversy we are faced with on a regular basis from companies, groups, National sports leagues, and well-renowned organizations has become the new normal, and nothing can be more damaging toward creating peace and unity! If this has become the ‘norm’ in media, in TV reality shows, in the press, and all over social media- how in the world could families refrain from making this the norm in their own homes and in their most precious and valued relationships with loved ones, spouses, and especially with their children?

This new acceptable form of daily conflict seems innocent, and unavoidable at times; but what is happening is, ‘MEDIA’ is taking ‘clips’ of happenings, or small segments of words or phrases spoken, and developing a negative story out of it; creating perspectives that would sometimes, and often, be non-existent if the ENTIRE message, or ENTIRE video, or ALL the facts were presented, to begin with.

Our controversial culture is wreaking havoc in the subconscious minds of everyone! We literally have become immune to acts of controversial behaviors assuming everyone will adapt and it will be fully acceptable!

This couldn’t be farther from the truth!

DON’T LET THIS NORMALIZATION OF CONFLICT BE YOURS TOO!!

Even one of the fruits of the spirit in the Bible states having forbearance, which means, don’t have resistance, don’t challenge and push for things, have self-control. The Fruit of the Holy Spirit is a biblical term that sums up nine attributes of a person or community living in accord with the Holy Spirit, according to chapter 5 of the Epistle to the Galatians: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. …

If every day we brought a ‘new’ problem to the table within our family or in our workplace, or in our community, everyone would be in discord, major dysfunction, and a breakdown of love and trust would diminish!

When an environment is a never-ending pool of different perspectives, different opinions, and arguments, there is conflict continually. Successful families and companies have positive flowing relationships when they can create an atmosphere that promotes positivity, results, praise, respect, and admiration. The following guidelines are helpful to create unity within groups, teams, partnerships, and families:

  • There is kindness; even expressed when providing constructive criticism. We don’t ‘bash’ the child or spouse or employee, we express our discord with ‘choices’ or ‘behaviors’.
  • There are boundaries and rules, and they are conveyed as to what and how they should be followed; if homes have no children; spouses express preferences to each other and each partner works hard to conform to their partner’s desires in an effort to please each other.
  • There are consequences for not complying to boundaries that everyone agreed to in a family; or set forth by the leader, parent, President, or top authority figure. Without adequate consequences, there would be chaos, and no one would have any reason to adhere to the boundaries, much less comply.
  • There is respect. Not everyone will agree, or like all the boundaries, rules, or laws put into place; but under the leadership or parental units, or companies where people have hatred, or a deep dislike, or a strong disagreement; it is the mature responsibility of those individuals to understand this very important principle: If you don’t like the management, you have a few choices: leave the company/family/relationship/group, move out or away from your current authority submitting yourself to new leadership or management, or you rise up to be the leader yourself! But if you remain in the situation, and your way of dealing with it is to badger, criticize, complain, cause dissension, disrupt others peace, you have caused strong negative energies to take over within you, and it wreaks havoc to all those around you. Why engage in actions to yourself and others that cause thoughts and emotions to suffer?

If you are in a family, group or company that argues and has a lot of dysfunction and problems, you have a few choices.

You can stay in the situation (hoping it changes; trying to change it- which often creates constant resistance and lowers everyone’s energy vibrations and emotions! Unless all parties can communicate effectively or seek counseling) Problem rarely gets resolved

Leave the situation (get a new job, move out, or ignore and distance yourself from the problem or person) -problem remains

Argue, or try to ‘WIN’ (a useless, virtually never successful effort) lowers emotional state & problem remains.

In all the above remedies: problem remains. Division, discouragement, bitterness, resentment, blame, negative emotions, hard-spiritedness, dissension, and discord are all results of staying insistent on getting your way.

Compromise is where two parties both ‘step off’ of certain desires, and ‘allow’ for some unwanted things. The keyword here: BOTH parties must give & take.

The only time a person should stand their ground is if a choice is made without their consent- against their will or against their desire- that person afflicted should not be held accountable in any way (financially or otherwise) because someone else made a wrong choice. Example: Son breaks family TV when he threw a ball in the house. Mom thinks the parents should replace it, describing the incident as an accident. Dad, on the other hand, feels the Son should relinquish his allowance, seek new neighbors yards to cut for money, and do whatever else it takes to buy a new TV.

Would the parents replacing the TV be teaching the child how life works? If the parents were not in the child’s life in 5 years, the same scenario happened in college, would the child feel like ‘all’ the roommates should chip in to recover the cost of a TV… since, after all, it WAS an accident? Or, would the child have grown up realizing that we are all responsible for our mistakes- purposeful and accidental mistakes?

Love wins. Patience endures. Kindness calms. Thoughtfulness encourages. Non-resistance compromises.

Sometimes we must come to the realization that we can’t keep trying to have our expectations met, it is so emotionally draining.

Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Letting go of trying so hard to make a point can be energizing. If someone has a different value system, your point is mute anyway.

Sometimes, it is best to do the following when a difficult person says or does something against our better wishes:

  • Pause.
  • Shake our head. (release that negative feeling!)
  • Realize that sometimes the other person resisting our decision is based solely on their own fears or levels of insecurities.

Each day does not have to include drama. Be a drama-diffuser. Here are the best ways to reduce drama, cease potential arguments- and keep positive flowing energy at work and at home.

A person has a critical argument or comment:

Your Response: That’s interesting.

A person has a negative statement or complaint:

Your Response: What are your ideas to fix that?

A person is going on and on with Blame…blame…blame:

Your Response: What are your plans moving forward since you can’t change the past?

A person has a project or something unreasonable for you to do:

Response: My answer is no, but I’m willing to compromise with the idea to ____________________.

Try hard not to let our present day culture that has developed a ‘normalcy’ to drama and conflict, be your method of everyday operation as well! The Nations leaders may not be in constant unity, but our relationships, families, and workplaces can be!!

Be happy within yourself, and kindness will flow. Be content and grateful, and appreciation will come naturally. Be a person with no expectations, and you’ll rarely be disappointed.

Don’t take things personally. Don’t assume. Always honor your word. And always, do your very best. ~The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

Less conflict = more peace!🤗✌

Life & Relationship Coach,

Annalisa O’Toole

askannalisa.com

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Lost Business Etiquette

Image result for businessBusiness has changed drastically over the years with the introduction and expansion of technology. It is certainly not new news that with the advanced digital management, and digital communications, the art of many business practices, once revered, have gone underground, or died. Many simple skills which were once expected, respected, and practiced, are no longer ‘a thing’. Some skills and business practices are just simply forgotten, not taught, nor are they regular occurrences for the younger generations who rely heavily on digital communications and correspondence. The art of people skills, for example; kind written correspondence, a phone call, or requesting a lunch appointment, has transferred into short, brief communicating efforts. For example, the once hand written, kind, letter written with a business proposition, acquisition, or confirmation, etc…is now simply handled as a brief, short email, or text.

I have personally been appalled at some recent business practices with small business owners who have failed in the special art of what I consider as …

The Three Business Golden Rules.

  1. Honoring your word.
  2. Treating other’s as you would want to be treated.
  3. Not taking things personally.

There are, however, a few other business etiquette guidelines to follow. The benefit of following these simple guidelines is to retain your existing customers. Not losing business is VITAL to the success of a company no matter how big or small. Yes, customers come and go, but why risk letting them go based on the negligence of following simple rules that greatly increase the customer staying happy and loyal?

So the first etiquette golden rule, Honoring your word, should be a no-brainer. If you can not keep a commitment, OK, everyone gets it; life gets in the way. We get sick, we have family that gets sick, people have unexpected surgery, funerals, an accidental over-booking, or accidental double booking, a hang nail, the dog throwing up…everyone has life hit them with an unexpected issue creating the need to break your word. But, WHY…(someone please tell me!) WHY…a person doesn’t have the respect for their customer’s (or worse, first time customer’s) time? WHY would they not call and at least let them know they are running late, can’t make it with the intention to reschedule? WHY must a business person leave their customer ‘waiting’ ‘guessing’ or ‘expecting’ them to show up? It’s like holding someone hostage when they have spent time preparing for the appointment, as in: finding a sitter, making arrangements for children, pets, other people in their life, etc…to accommodate the appointment time.  Here’s a worse scenario; customer’s preparing work for the appointment, only to have to back track and undo the work because the person did not honor their word and come. My husband and I laid out a tedious job of a landscaping material, needed prior to the second step we requested from a contractor. When our contractor didn’t call, or show up – 3 days in a row-without calling or texting to reschedule, we had to pull up our work. This appointment, by the way, was made at the contractors request because I had suggested leaving a drawing for the location needed and leave the check. However, he insisted on coming by to know ‘for sure’ where the locations were for his part. Commendable. But totally inconsiderate to not communicate.   We felt bound up with our time, never knowing if the contractor was going to arrive, arrive late, or not show up at all. After two attempts to reach out, where he did respond to say, “can’t today” on the first day, second time, I reached out to ask if he was still coming as pre-planned the day before, his response: “well, it’s yucky outside”. Third day, I never reached out after the no-show. Each day I gave a window of time that was best. However, without any word, text, call, or email, it was extremely unkind, disrespectful, and unprofessional. How hard is it to just simply let someone know? NEWSFLASH!! It’s OK in business to tell someone what you know will disappoint them; truth is better than no news at all. Having integrity in business is extremely important; but maintaining integrity is MORE IMPORTANT!

Here are some bullet points of other very important business practices that will help gain customers, increase repeat business, and increase word-of-mouth referrals. Most of them have to do with the same guidelines you would want to have with relationships. What creates the best businesses? Those in which customers or team members feel like friends, because businesses have treated them with respect, maintained honest practices, and dealt with business matters kindly, efficiently, honestly, and left no ‘guess work’ about anything.

  • Fortune is in the Follow Up! Always follow-up in a timely manner; people become impatient and do not want, nor are willing, to ‘wait’ for a lengthy amount of time to hear back from the company they chose to reach out to! How does it feel to you, to be ‘waiting’ for a long…….time to hear back from someone?
  • Understand that not everyone will want what you have, be interested in your offer, or comply to your way of doing business. If we all agreed in every way, on everything, how boring would the world be?  Don’t take matters of business personally. Don’t judge other’s when they do not align their word’s or behaviors with ‘your way’. Allowing life’s path to take its course, by either accepting, or letting go, feels a lot more freeing and peaceful than energy spent resisting, persuading, or fighting for something. No one changes their ways based on commands, but rather; most changes are created by inspirational feelings that alter emotions. This is critical in relationship building, and in growing a business.
  • Kindness matters! Recently, I entered the vet for an appointment. I was five minutes after the 5:00 appointment time due to a wreck. As I approached the counter, the administrator never looked up and made eye contact with me. (HUGE BUSINESS ETIQUETTE HERE….{a nugget within a nugget, lol!} ALWAYS HAVE GOOD, UNINTERRUPTED EYE CONTACT!) I said, I am here for the vaccinations with the Vet’s tech, we have an appointment. Told her my dogs names, and she (still without making any eye contact) replied, “Well, it’s a good thing you got here when you did!” I asked, “why?” She said, “Cuz we don’t take appointments after 5:30.” I said, “Well, I don’t understand, we have an appointment.” The staff member ‘huffed’ (still never looking up) and said nothing as she typed away on her computer. I waited…..waited….about a minute or longer…..still no words….so I walked away. 15 minutes later, approximately 5:20 pm, they called our name to be seen. Worst customer service, ever!
  • Cleaning up your work space! Nothing is more frustrating for other employee’s, clients homes, or offices a company may visit to do work, than a business person to leave behind the mess generated from their work. It speaks a message loud and clear: Business person does not respect their clients space. Business person does not clean up after their self. Business person does not care enough about the customer to leave the space cleaner than they found it.
  • INVITE or COMMUNICATE about happenings, meetings, events, or important occurrences like training, or recognition celebrations, team functions, etc…IN A TIMELY MANNER!  Talk about inconsideration of your employee’s or team mates time? And also, putting your fellow business associates in a very bad predicament; send out a text at the last-minute to inform them of a special event. How rude. This practice is not that of a professional leader. A caring, relationship building leader, lets their partner’s know, IN AMPLE ADVANCE about the important details concerning a company event or meeting. To expect them to comply with late notice is not only disrespectful, but it shows lack of caring enough about the event to give proper notification. People have lives outside of work. Unless they are a salary employee, obligated to a so-called ‘beck & call’ type work arrangement, then there is just no excuse for late notice. How would you like it if your child or husband sprung on you, that they have a ‘need’ that you need to support, but it’s happening in 2 hours. You are expected to attend or help; would you be able to do that? Most people would feel put out, and feel as though there was a communication breach in the family or leadership.
  • Honor the chain of command!  In business, the person just above you in position of authority should always be spoken to about a situation that needs attention. If that person does not resolve the issue, then, and only then, is it business-appropriate to go one step higher. If, to no avail for solving, then the next higher up is to be contacted. It is when a business person speaks of the negative situation or problem to another fellow employee, or takes the matter to the President, before the middle management has been informed, that the problem can be more devastating. It is certainly, in every business industry, appropriate and desirable to follow the chain of command rule.
  • Always respect an employee’s privacy. If a manager, or director, or person of higher position must speak to a fellow worker, an employee, or someone in a lower position than themselves, they must always do so ‘in private’. It is never appropriate to reprimand someone in front of the other workers, or team. It is however, highly favorable to ‘praise’ a worker in front of other’s and the staff or team. The goal in building relationships and camaraderie within a team, or group is to increase feelings of appreciation, gratitude,  giving encouragement and praise to build worker’s up; while eliminating ridicule, criticism, and reprimands outside of evaluation time or private times for discussing performance, or doing performance reviews.

For more information on good ‘life’ practices, life coaching tips and relationship advice, and available audios for downloading, be sure to visit findingandkeepinglove.com. This blog is: annalisaotoole.com. Also visit: askannalisa.com to learn more about Life Coach Annalisa, her podcast, and upcoming book launch and life coaching services.

 

Lost Business Etiquette

Image result for businessBusiness has changed drastically over the years with the introduction and expansion of technology. It is certainly not new news that with the advanced digital management, and digital communications, the art of many business practices, once revered, have gone underground, or died. Many simple skills which were once expected, respected, and practiced, are no longer ‘a thing’. Some skills and business practices are just simply forgotten, not taught, nor are they regular occurrences for the younger generations who rely heavily on digital communications and correspondence. The art of people skills, for example; kind written correspondence, a phone call, or requesting a lunch appointment, has transferred into short, brief communicating efforts. For example, the once hand written, kind, letter written with a business proposition, acquisition, or confirmation, etc…is now simply handled as a brief, short email, or text.

I have personally been appalled at some recent business practices with small business owners who have failed in the special art of what I consider as …

The Three Business Golden Rules.

  1. Honoring your word.
  2. Treating other’s as you would want to be treated.
  3. Not taking things personally.

There are, however, a few other business etiquette guidelines to follow. The benefit of following these simple guidelines is to retain your existing customers. Not losing business is VITAL to the success of a company no matter how big or small. Yes, customers come and go, but why risk letting them go based on the negligence of following simple rules that greatly increase the customer staying happy and loyal?

So the first etiquette golden rule, Honoring your word, should be a no-brainer. If you can not keep a commitment, OK, everyone gets it; life gets in the way. We get sick, we have family that gets sick, people have unexpected surgery, funerals, an accidental over-booking, or accidental double booking, a hang nail, the dog throwing up…everyone has life hit them with an unexpected issue creating the need to break your word. But, WHY…(someone please tell me!) WHY…a person doesn’t have the respect for their customer’s (or worse, first time customer’s) time? WHY would they not call and at least let them know they are running late, can’t make it with the intention to reschedule? WHY must a business person leave their customer ‘waiting’ ‘guessing’ or ‘expecting’ them to show up? It’s like holding someone hostage when they have spent time preparing for the appointment, as in: finding a sitter, making arrangements for children, pets, other people in their life, etc…to accommodate the appointment time.  Here’s a worse scenario; customer’s preparing work for the appointment, only to have to back track and undo the work because the person did not honor their word and come. My husband and I laid out a tedious job of a landscaping material, needed prior to the second step we requested from a contractor. When our contractor didn’t call, or show up – 3 days in a row-without calling or texting to reschedule, we had to pull up our work. This appointment, by the way, was made at the contractors request because I had suggested leaving a drawing for the location needed and leave the check. However, he insisted on coming by to know ‘for sure’ where the locations were for his part. Commendable. But totally inconsiderate to not communicate.   We felt bound up with our time, never knowing if the contractor was going to arrive, arrive late, or not show up at all. After two attempts to reach out, where he did respond to say, “can’t today” on the first day, second time, I reached out to ask if he was still coming as pre-planned the day before, his response: “well, it’s yucky outside”. Third day, I never reached out after the no-show. Each day I gave a window of time that was best. However, without any word, text, call, or email, it was extremely unkind, disrespectful, and unprofessional. How hard is it to just simply let someone know? NEWSFLASH!! It’s OK in business to tell someone what you know will disappoint them; truth is better than no news at all. Having integrity in business is extremely important; but maintaining integrity is MORE IMPORTANT!

Here are some bullet points of other very important business practices that will help gain customers, increase repeat business, and increase word-of-mouth referrals. Most of them have to do with the same guidelines you would want to have with relationships. What creates the best businesses? Those in which customers or team members feel like friends, because businesses have treated them with respect, maintained honest practices, and dealt with business matters kindly, efficiently, honestly, and left no ‘guess work’ about anything.

  • Fortune is in the Follow Up! Always follow-up in a timely manner; people become impatient and do not want, nor are willing, to ‘wait’ for a lengthy amount of time to hear back from the company they chose to reach out to! How does it feel to you, to be ‘waiting’ for a long…….time to hear back from someone?
  • Understand that not everyone will want what you have, be interested in your offer, or comply to your way of doing business. If we all agreed in every way, on everything, how boring would the world be?  Don’t take matters of business personally. Don’t judge other’s when they do not align their word’s or behaviors with ‘your way’. Allowing life’s path to take its course, by either accepting, or letting go, feels a lot more freeing and peaceful than energy spent resisting, persuading, or fighting for something. No one changes their ways based on commands, but rather; most changes are created by inspirational feelings that alter emotions. This is critical in relationship building, and in growing a business.
  • Kindness matters! Recently, I entered the vet for an appointment. I was five minutes after the 5:00 appointment time due to a wreck. As I approached the counter, the administrator never looked up and made eye contact with me. (HUGE BUSINESS ETIQUETTE HERE….{a nugget within a nugget, lol!} ALWAYS HAVE GOOD, UNINTERRUPTED EYE CONTACT!) I said, I am here for the vaccinations with the Vet’s tech, we have an appointment. Told her my dogs names, and she (still without making any eye contact) replied, “Well, it’s a good thing you got here when you did!” I asked, “why?” She said, “Cuz we don’t take appointments after 5:30.” I said, “Well, I don’t understand, we have an appointment.” The staff member ‘huffed’ (still never looking up) and said nothing as she typed away on her computer. I waited…..waited….about a minute or longer…..still no words….so I walked away. 15 minutes later, approximately 5:20 pm, they called our name to be seen. Worst customer service, ever!
  • Cleaning up your work space! Nothing is more frustrating for other employee’s, clients homes, or offices a company may visit to do work, than a business person to leave behind the mess generated from their work. It speaks a message loud and clear: Business person does not respect their clients space. Business person does not clean up after their self. Business person does not care enough about the customer to leave the space cleaner than they found it.
  • INVITE or COMMUNICATE about happenings, meetings, events, or important occurrences like training, or recognition celebrations, team functions, etc…IN A TIMELY MANNER!  Talk about inconsideration of your employee’s or team mates time? And also, putting your fellow business associates in a very bad predicament; send out a text at the last-minute to inform them of a special event. How rude. This practice is not that of a professional leader. A caring, relationship building leader, lets their partner’s know, IN AMPLE ADVANCE about the important details concerning a company event or meeting. To expect them to comply with late notice is not only disrespectful, but it shows lack of caring enough about the event to give proper notification. People have lives outside of work. Unless they are a salary employee, obligated to a so-called ‘beck & call’ type work arrangement, then there is just no excuse for late notice. How would you like it if your child or husband sprung on you, that they have a ‘need’ that you need to support, but it’s happening in 2 hours. You are expected to attend or help; would you be able to do that? Most people would feel put out, and feel as though there was a communication breach in the family or leadership.
  • Honor the chain of command!  In business, the person just above you in position of authority should always be spoken to about a situation that needs attention. If that person does not resolve the issue, then, and only then, is it business-appropriate to go one step higher. If, to no avail for solving, then the next higher up is to be contacted. It is when a business person speaks of the negative situation or problem to another fellow employee, or takes the matter to the President, before the middle management has been informed, that the problem can be more devastating. It is certainly, in every business industry, appropriate and desirable to follow the chain of command rule.
  • Always respect an employee’s privacy. If a manager, or director, or person of higher position must speak to a fellow worker, an employee, or someone in a lower position than themselves, they must always do so ‘in private’. It is never appropriate to reprimand someone in front of the other workers, or team. It is however, highly favorable to ‘praise’ a worker in front of other’s and the staff or team. The goal in building relationships and camaraderie within a team, or group is to increase feelings of appreciation, gratitude,  giving encouragement and praise to build worker’s up; while eliminating ridicule, criticism, and reprimands outside of evaluation time or private times for discussing performance, or doing performance reviews.

For more information on good ‘life’ practices, life coaching tips and relationship advice, and available audios for downloading, be sure to visit findingandkeepinglove.com. This blog is: annalisaotoole.com. Also visit: askannalisa.com to learn more about Life Coach Annalisa, her podcast, and upcoming book launch and life coaching services.

 

Why can’t I meet ‘THE ONE”? ~a guide to successful dating practices~

datingFirst of all, let’s review your THOUGHTS. Since your thoughts create emotions, and your emotional vibrations play a direct role in manifesting and attracting what you want, we should work on your thoughts.

If your thoughts are the same as the title of this blog: ‘Why can’t I’…(a double negative thought) this creates the same. In other words, if you believe you can never or will never do something…you will continue to not do it. You will never do it. So, your first tip in manifesting your soul mate, or the person of your dreams, is this: BELIEVE you can attract them. Then, think thoughts, and express words that allow your belief, words and thoughts that express the desire you want. So, shift your thoughts and feelings to this:

  • I will be meeting ‘the one’ soon.
  • I am ready to meet the one.
  • I am attracting the one.
  • I know ‘the perfect’ companion is arriving.
  • I believe the perfect mate is on their way.

One close friend of mine, believed so deeply in this concept of preparing and expecting his ideal mate, he actually rearranged his home in a way to prepare for her! He cleaned out the closet, and made half the space empty, ready for her things! He only uses 1/2 of the medicine cabinet in his bathroom, I think he even bought a new toothbrush and tooth paste and placed them in their new packaging in the bathroom drawer!

The next shift toward meeting your ideal mate, besides believing and preparing, and thinking thoughts that speak life into this desire, is to become the very best YOU. I hope you are not making the mistake of thinking that the ideal mate is your ‘end-all’ for solving your loneliness, or will end your yearning for companionship. Thinking a mate will rescue you from any pain, is a lie many people fall into believing.

You will be amazingly interesting, amazingly intriguing and ultimately attractive when you have passion in your life. When you are aiming for something that is enthusiastically driving you to serve in an area where you are using your creative talents, using your skills and gifts to help others, you will not likely make the mistake of being needy-clingy. Nor will you tolerate a mate who is. Maybe it’s your career, maybe it’s a part-time thing, or maybe you are at the beginning of figuring it out. However, if you have no idea what your calling is, or have no dream or excitement that drives you, you may want to consider spending some time on yourself, take a break from dating, or ‘trying’ to meet the right one. Going on a personal growth journey can be invigorating! Did you ever watch the movie, or read the book, Eat, Pray, Love? Fabulous.

Here’s a major News Flash: How will you know WHO you want, and if they will connect with you on a deep level, if you don’t know who YOU are, or where YOU’RE headed? How will you know if someone aligns with your dreams, aspirations, retirement plans, or mission, or values, if you haven’t discovered those for yourself? Everyone has a dream, everyone has a calling. I hope you’re not expecting another person to complete you. I hope Hollywood hasn’t saturated your mind with the notion that a love affair is the answer to make all of life’s crazy problems disappear!!

Falling in love will put a temporary hold on your existing issues. Discover your Calling, work toward that, and when you attract the right person, everything will line up perfectly.

A third vital step to meeting THE ONE, is knowing who you want. Do you have a list? I always encourage singles to ‘make the list’. This is a real, written out, bullet point list of all the traits you love, all the characteristics you need. Believe your worthy of this ideal person. Believe this person exists. Believe in God’s guidance toward attracting this person to you in His way, in His time. A big mistake I see in coaching single adults over the years is people having the same mentality about dating as we all had when we were young. It is the cycle that runs a little like this:

  • The Attraction: chemistry with someone based on looks and personality first.
  • The Hook: trying to see if they are interested, and will go out with you, or ask you out.
  • The Hopefulness: dating this person, hoping they will turn out to be everything you need!
  • The Reality: learning their flaws, believing they will change, or that these flaws won’t bother you much
  • The Let down: you are emotionally connected, intimately involved, and  scared you may be realizing they may not be suited for a ‘forever’ relationship with you.

A better, healthier, emotionally stable scenario for dating should run like this:

  • The Meeting: the first time you meet; you learn some interesting things and are intrigued.
  • The Talking stage: talking on the phone, or texting, getting to know them.
  • The Dating: Learning all you can, for as long as you can BEFORE becoming emotionally attached to them, intimate with them, Evaluating if their values and priorities jive with yours!
  • The 90 day rule: Don’t give up the cookie for 90 days. See if you can sustain getting to know them for at least 90 days before you become committed, or enter an ‘exclusive’ relationship. This way, you can feel assured that you have spent time discovering and evaluating whether or not they are safe, healthy, kind, and meet other important traits on your list. A great book that includes this awesome idea, is Steve Harvey’s, Act like a Woman, Think like a Man. 

If you have been dating, and you possibly are experiencing some of the following results, These are RED FLAGS. Red Flags are cautions about behaviors that usually do not produce positive, successful relationships.  Remember (this had a HUGE impact on me when I first read it) “We only allow people to treat us in a manner that matches how we really feel about ourselves” —WOW. Where is your deserve level?  Do you need to raise it?

If any of these Red Flags are happening, it is wise to try and re-evaluate your decisions about dating this person.

  • The person you’re dating is dating other people, so you feel confused and jealous.
  • The person you’re dating is not always available, and your unsure as to why.
  • The person you’re dating is needy, calls all the time, and is overly concerned with you.
  • The person you’re dating is emotionally unavailable; but seems to be into you
  • The person you’re dating won’t talk about where your relationship stands
  • The person you’re dating sleeps with you, but will not commit to being exclusive
  • The person you’re dating has an addiction. (drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, gambling, or other…)
  • The person you’re dating is unstable. (Not working, not responsible, not taking care of themselves but relying on others for meeting their basic needs)
  • The person you’re dating does not share your views spiritually
  • The person you’re dating does not share your same values about food, diet, and nutrition, or a healthy lifestyle
  • The person you’re dating does not make you feel energetic or important
  • The person you’re dating seems to be focused on their self mostly
  • The person you’re dating is estranged from their immediate family
  • The person you’re dating asks you for money, a loan, or to borrow things
  • You just have a ‘bad’ vibe, or an ‘off’, unexplainable, negative feeling about them

This list could go on and on, but I tried to hit the important ones.

Believe in meeting the one. Believe timing will be perfect. Believe everything in your life is in divine order. Believe, everything is happening for a good reason. There is power and wisdom in all that happens. And most importantly, know who you are, what it is you want, and then, you will, by default, attract who and what you deserve!!

~Coach Annalisa

For more relationship advice, or a free phone consultation about your situation, call Life Coach, Annalisa at 678-431-6528.

5 essential Leadership tips…

No matter what your job is, domestic-ceo on the home-front, or in Corporate America, or running and growing your own small business, (even in parenting and marriage!) there are certain basic principles of leadership that I have found throughout my life to be vital for growth, unity, & success. This is just a ‘LifeCoachAnnalisa’ theory, but most entrepreneurs I’ve had the pleasure meeting and or learning from, or the great authors who are experts at writing about success tips, teach and mentor from these as well:

1. Everyone has an invisible sign around their neck that says:                                            ~Please, make me feel important.~

2. Always ~Honor your word.~ Keep your commitments. Your word is your bond. It is your credibility, as a person, as a leader, and for the company and family you represent. When your word, or consistency is broken; so is your integrity. People are watching, being influenced, and learning from your example. If you are not committed enough to remain true to your word, or do not lead with consistent efforts; neither will your team, student body, employees, or your children.

3. ~Speak life~ into everyone, and everything. People need affirmation, constant affirmation. Most people move mountains when they are inspired; but freeze up when they are criticized. No one really changes because it’s expected, or demanded. Most change when they are feeling affirmed, appreciated, praised, and most importantly, made to feel they are making a difference!

4. ~Stay in contact~ with people. These high techy days have enormous resteam in mountain pic 1resources to stay in constant communication with people. Now with social media, and the ease and practical ways to connect right on your smartphone, there is just no reason not to be breathing positive, encouraging, uplifting messages of information, praise, recognition, and affirmations each and every day or week! People want to be around excited, successful people. How will they know this exists unless they see, hear, feel, and learn from posts, emails, phone calls, texts, and even snail mail cards – that it is happening and they are an important part !!!

5. ~Connect to an accountability partner!~ someone who has gone on to accomplish what it is you want to! Someone you respect. Someone who practices the ‘above’ four leadership qualities. Someone you feel energetic around. Someone you would trade places with because they live their life in such a honorable way! Stay close to this person, and latch on to their counsel. For more life coaching info in an area you may be struggeling with, or to book a Motivational Speaker, contact LifeCoachAnnalisa at www.annalisaotoole.com or call 678-431-6528.

Self-Empowerment

Here is a glossary of words to help you feel EMPOWERED to design the life you ‘really’ want….
ANXIETY….thinking on the past or future. Remedy: Be grateful in this present moment, enjoy the moment you are in, put away the electronics at times when you need to take in what is around you; engage in building relationships (not online, but real-face-to-face time) and simply, let go…allow…flow….in the ‘now’.
DEPRESSION…allowing your mind to default to the doubt, fear, worry, past hardships, future anxiety, sadness of something in the past. Remedy:
SHIFT… shift your mindset to your blessings. What do you have in your life right now that you are so appreciative of? WHO do you have in your life right now that you are so thankful for? Think on things that you desire so much, you can almost taste them showing up!!
BELIEVE…in yourself…in your gifts and talents….in your dreams…in your abilities to serve others and make a positive difference. YOU can, but if you think you can’t, your right.
RELATIONSHIPS….think on what IS working. What is DYNAMIC, not on what is not working, not going right. ONLY entertain the thoughts of positive outcomes, what you want, as if those things are already happening. When you do this, it’s like magic. Opportunities and change in others starts to happen. What we focus on; we bring on. Bring on flowing energy of love! Bring on your soul mate. Bring on the things that make you smile!!!!
MANIFESTING…. is awesome. Just remember, you can not think yourself thin by continuing thoughts of how fat you are! Contrasting thoughts are confusing GOD!!! Get clarity and vision for what exactly what you desire, think on that– as if it IS happening, it IS taking place, it IS developing…and you will recognize amazing results, fast, too!! But, as long as you have thoughts of what you don’t want, those will keep showing up.
Ever started liking a certain car, and then all of a sudden, you seem to see it everywhere? AH…..interesting.
SELF-TALK…the words we say to ourselves are powerful. Are you speaking life into yourself? Or, do I hear doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, disbelief, unworthiness, undeservedness whispering over there between your ears? Every great endeavor, every great relationship, every great entrepreneur started with someone putting value in him or herself first, otherwise, how could they get others on board for their mission, idea, or service? We will only receive in life, that which is aligned and equal or above to how we think of ourselves and what we deserve. Are you receiving what you deserve? No? Let’s raise our deserve levels, by acknowledging and believing we are unique, wonderful, and have gifts and talents that serve a greater purpose that can make a difference in this world. YOU ARE DIVINE!!!! No less than an amazingly talented, spiritual being who has work to do. First, in loving and forgiving yourself, and next, recognizing your great qualities, and then lastly; discovering a need in the world that your creativity can go and make a difference !!!! It can be with family, with a spiritual mission, with a business, or a career, or even within something part-time; but we are all called to do something; we must discover that calling, and begin with positive, loving, kind self-talk to accomplish our dreams. Remember Mohammad Ali? When I recall him being filmed, his famous words were: “I AM the greatest, I’ll show you how great I AM.” God worked through him, he was a champion in his field. In the movie, “Facing the Giants”, a teen was doubting his ability to kick for the football team because of his small size. His father said, “God can use you, David”. The boy said, “How can God use me, I’m so small, and the other kicker is the best at it”. His dad looked at him and said, “David, God works through the last, lost and least, to show how mighty He is. You go out there and do your best, let God do the rest!” In the cliff-hanger ending,Image result for champion pic David needed to make a 50 yard field goal to win the State Championship, and the coach asked him, “David, do you believe you can do it?” David said “I’ve never kicked that far before, coach” Coach asked again, “But David, DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT? I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE YOU CAN!”…..
……..YOU ARE A CHAMPION, but not until you believe it!!……

Live your Dream in 2016, 10 (steps) to WIN!

Every New year, we all set resolutions (sometimes people don’t) and we set goals, and we at least think on what we want to accomplish, or strive to do different. We think of what we want to do different, we think of what we want to change, what we want to accomplish.

Most people start out with great intentions, but with time, fall off the path of their journey they were so fired up about at the start. I believe in ten things to help people accomplish their goals and resolutions. Here they are:

10 to Win:

1st: We need CLARITY of our goal. What is it specifically we want?

Success is defined as a consistent effort of many steps toward a worthy ideal.

You should write down what you MOST want, one thing that you want more than anything in 2016. Have a detailed idea, write it down.With clarity, you are better able to visualize it, and believe in attracting it!

2nd step: Commitment & Self-Discipline

Commitment to consistent efforts (regardless of how we feel) and  Self-discipline, following through with the commitments made long after the enthusiasm of doing so has passed.

After you make a commitment -to keep your commitments- with consistent discipline, then there a few more steps to getting the results you desire this year.

3rd is the incredibly effective power of visualization. You must actually VISUALIZE having, being, doing, or accomplishing the thing you want most. Visualize it often, as if it IS happening right now. What is the weather like? Where are you standing? Who is with you? What are the emotions your feeling having achieved it? What are others saying to you?  Who would be the most proud? Who would be influenced and inspired by your achievement most? Visualizing is VERY important because it promotes BELIEF.

4th, after commitment, self discipline and Visualization, is deep BELIEF. You must deeply believe you CAN have it. You must believe you deserve it. You must believe you are capable of having it, believe you can maintain it. You must deeply believe it will make a positive difference in your life and in the lives of others. You must believe so deeply- that you feel it is coming to you right now. Each moment, with each choice you’re making, you’re closer to having it show up!!

5th, ACCOUNTABILITY. Who will you check in with on your progress? Or, do you have small target goals to accomplish that hold you to be accountable? Who is a mentor or someone having accomplished this before you that you can check in with? Do you have a support system in place, a person, or a computer program that allows you to ‘track’ progress? No one knows the level of success without the activity toward it being measured. Where will you measure your progress? How will you know if your advancing, or behind schedule of your particular goal without measuring, checking your progress, and getting coached or helped, or mentored toward your goal?

6th -Don’t fall into the Excuse Trap. If you don’t have an accountability partner, create one. If you’re leaders associated to the business you set a goal in are not supporting you in the way you most prefer, or feel is right, don’t spend energy criticizing, BECOME the leader you don’t have! Promote yourself faster! Don’t verbalize or even think on the reasons that have come up why you CAN’T, forget about those. THINK ON the reasons that created your WHY in the first place! Either your DREAM is bigger than all the challenges, or you ‘allow’ the bumps in the road to be bigger. It’s your choice. You can have a GOOD day or a BAD one, the difference is your mindset, and whether or not you’re going to allow exterior factors to influence your journey toward advancement, or allow it to hold you back. Again, your choice. Also, keep in mind, ‘justifying your inactivity, or falling off the band wagon’ is unacceptable. GET MAD! You would get mad if someone didn’t keep their word to YOU! So, why aren’t we mad at ourselves, we treat ourselves horribly!! Don’t be your own enabler!!! HA!!  If you miss your daily action, do it right away, as soon as you become aware!!

7th – Meditation. Start your day with power thoughts! The affirmations, thoughts, and mindset you focus on are the very things that will show up for you throughout your day. Prayer and meditation are two of the most effective ways to design your life and live with positive experiences and aids in easily ridding the negative things from our focus. It can help relieve doubt, pain, fear-based thought, or creating hypotheticals in our mind over circumstances outside our control. It helps keep us in a neutral state of loving peace. Try it!  If you’re unfamiliar, youtube is a great resource, or books on amazon for beginners!!

8th- FAILURE is good. FAILURE is not an option, but know this: You only fail if you don’t keep trying. QUITTING = FAILING. What if Thomas Edison quit after his 1000th attempt to create electricity? What if Abraham Lincoln decided NOT to run in the Presidential campaign after having lost 9 times in his political career, basing his level of success on his failures, verses his small successes along the way? Reggie Jackson could not hold the current #1 home-run hitter position of all time without his 2,597 time record of striking out!! These famous guys failed forward to success. We can too. It’s OK to fail at a task – you don’t fail at the goal unless you make a conscious choice NOT to cross the finish line with whatever it takes. I loved the video of the runner of a race who tore a ligament during running, and as he limped to keep going, his father joined him from the stands, with an arm around him, they crossed the finish line together — NOW THAT’S HAVING COMMITMENT, CONSISTENCY, ACCOUNTABILITY, BELIEF, NO EXCUSES, and a NO FAILING MINDSET!!

9th- Do at least ONE THING DAILY toward your goal. If you are not taking daily steps forward, you will fall back. Someday isn’t a day of the week. Don’t allow other FAST TRACK people to get you discouraged. Their time management, their family commitments, their job, and their energy levels are different. Decide on your goal, set an action plan, include something daily –one phone call, one contact, one action step, and your small efforts will turn into big results over time.

And the 10th IN it to WIN it step is this:

KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, YOU DESERVE IT!  YOU ARE WORTHY!  YOU ARE A CHAMPION!  YOU ARE A WINNER IN GOD’S EYES!

Now…go for it. When you accomplish it….come back to this post and tell us about it!!! Ready, Set,…

Commit, Discipline yourself, Get Clarity, Get accountable, VISUALIZE it, Believe it! No excuses, Do one thing a day to keep failure away, Meditate! FEEL WORTHY and Deserving!!