Re-design Your Life!

ImageHere’s a little info about how to  re-design your life! These are tips I give individuals who come to sessions when they are at a crossroads, and wanting to recreate their life. Whether they are having trouble in relationships, experiencing anxiety or depression, or needing to discover their calling, these are the first tips I share with them:

  • CHANGING YOUR THINKING WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. We all have a brain that like a computer, defaults to the negative, the worst case scenario, the doubt, fear, guilt, the self-sabotage, the hopelessness — I believe that when Satan gave Eve the apple, it wasn’t just about SIN…God was in a sense saying, “If you stay in connectedness with me, seek me, I will bring you peace. I will comfort you, I will bring to your mind thoughts of hope, joy, patience, peace, happiness, love, etc…But, if you are out of connectedness with me, you are opening your mind to all that is not of love…other influences…

– hopelessness, guilt, fear, doubt, shame, lust, just to name a few” …..all those are negative thoughts of the mind. Based on your thoughts in your mind — you experience emotions. Then, based on those emotions…we act or react. So, if we program (and constantly re-program) our minds, controlling our thoughts, it is then, we are able to control our emotions, and then in turn, act in ways which we do not regret, or act in ways that attract that which we most desire. IT ALL STARTS WITH THOUGHT!!!!!

  • DAILY QUIET TIMES are essential for connecting to your deep thoughts, connecting to God, and putting time invested in a quiet place to re-program your thoughts, and shift your perspectives to the best case scenario, the positive side , and the happy thoughts of what you desire, and what you want, and what you want to do, change, see, or be — etc. Quiet times are not just for lifting your desires to the Lord in prayer, but they also, if you allow your mind to be still and go quiet; it is amazing how God can speak to you in this time.  Meditation is an amazing way to reduce stress, eliminate depression, and add time for you (that you deserve!) to reflect and ponder what you want and how you will proceed to achieve it!
  • PASSIONATE PURPOSE…if you have not considered what God’s purpose is for your life, if you have not discovered your calling, or know what your gifts, talents, skills, and creativity are, and how you can serve other’s with them, then you are missing a VITAL part of being all you can be. When you are involved in something outside your children and family, something you feel is worthwhile, (it may be your vocation or job, or it may be alongside your job as a part-time job) or it may be a hobby or deep interest, as long as it is something that you love to do…and you feel you are making a difference with this idea, or calling, or purpose. It aides in helping us to feel a sense of acceptance, purposeful, and helps us to feel we are serving others and making a difference.Some people choose a career, or a job for this, but most people are not in a career or job of a lifetime. If you can spend time discovering your calling, you would complete a void in your life that you may not even realize is missing. AND….you become a much more interesting and unique person who has an apparant passion and interesting things to talk about, and less likely to become co-dependent on someone in a relationship to make you feel worthy, or special. If you are depending on a relationship partner to make you feel valuable, you are making a big mistake. You will, without realizing it, seem needy-clingy, or overbearing.  If you seek a mature, independent partner who loves what they do in life, someone who is balanced, and has personal activities that make them feel complete (sports, church activities, a busy career they love, or a hobby they are into) then you need to have the same! The best relationships  are when two independent people, thrive to grow personally and in healthy ways, come together and share their lives, not two uninvolved people who have no idea what their skills or talents are, have no personal direction or goal, and so they are completely reliant on someone else for their activities, fun, and making them feel valued. BIG mistake.

School should never be out for the pro. Admit your weaknesses. Have a coach or power partner help point out areas of weakness they see, or help you with encouraging you toward your goals. Whatever you’re working on (hopefully, always something) have that person be your biggest fan. The average of the 5 people you talk to the most is who you will become. That can be scary!! Are your closest friends -energy drainers, emotional vampires, or are they encouragers, lifters of your spirit?  Evaluate this carefully, it makes a huge difference in life.  Always be reading a good book, or watching a you tube video that is in the area of your personal interest. This information can be very helpful toward personally growing to be your very best.

  • MAKE YOUR MUST HAVE LIST FOR YOUR IDEAL PARTNER if you are single and desiring a soul mate….

This is HUGE. If you do not have set boundaries for the kind of companion you want, how will you ever know if the next one you meet or go out with will match with your values or your lifestyle? The biggest relationship mistake I see in my coaching practice besides ‘one person not having a personal goal’, or a ‘passionate interest’ (so they lean too much on high expectations of their partner to get what they are seeking in life) is that they fall too quick, or too easily for someone they are very attracted to (in looks) and then after becoming emotionally and sexually connected, they realize the other person is becoming distant, or the other person doesn’t fit their lifestyle, or they constantly don’t meet your expectations…and so…you’re disappointed once again.  Make the list. Never settle. BELIEVE in that person, who is right for you, EXPECT them to show up in God’s way, In God’s time!!

    • LOVE YOURSELF. FORGIVE YOURSELF.  God made you in His image. He didn’t create junk. Satan just makes you believe you are- by getting in your head. GET RID OF those thoughts which do not align with peace, comfort and joy.  KNOW that you have great potential to be, do, and soar with anything you want to. Begin your mediations with I AM statements of affirmation. No one will believe in you, love you, care about you deeply, until YOU start doing these with yourself first!!!!
    • LIVE INSIDE OUT!  Most people do not live and operate life from this perspective. Know yourself, love yourself, openly and admittedly verbalize your weaknesses, and your gifts, skills, and talents…decide on a path, forgive yourself for past, and set boundaries for your life (what you WILL do, WILL NOT do, WILL have, WILL NOT have, and what you stand for, etc…) then you always know in a short time, if a new person, or opportunity comes your way — if it fits what you have already established as part of your life!!!  Most people though, never decide these things. They never list their skills, believe in their self. They never set their boundaries for an ideal partner…(even as detailed as considering where they want to retire!) so…they are like tumbleweeds in the wind…going with whatever rolls their way, and not understanding why they never get what they want!!!
  • CONNECT TO PEOPLE who are where you want to be – emotionally, physically, vocationally, and spiritually!! These are the folks that inspire you. These are people who will live their lives that reflect how you would most like to live yours!  They will be positive influences because you admire and respect their choices. you will learn more by surrounding yourself with successful people. You will reach higher when everyone around you is achieving their dreams. Add these people to your Face Book, follow them on Twitter, Google plus, or linked in. This way, you can learn how they are succeeding, how they are networking, how are they living life with a positive outlook, learn what their secrets are!
  • LET GO OF WHAT NO LONGER SERVES YOU.  It’s not easy to let go of things. Extra debt, extra junk, an obsession, a temptation, etc…Especially people or relationships, but as Dave Ramsey always says:

Do today what some won’t; to have later in life, what most other’s don’t!

  • YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST!!!  What you think on you bring on. What you think about, you bring about.  If you will start saying affirmations in your head as you think during the day, or when you have quiet time, or meditate: I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM TALENTED! I AM DESERVING OF A PARTNER WHO LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY.  I AM ATTRACTING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. I AM ATTRACTING LOVE TO MY LIFE. I AM MINDFUL OF HELPING OTHERS.  ETC…CREATE SOME AFFIRMATIONS OF YOUR OWN, BELIEVING, EXPECTING, AND REHEARSING THEM ALOUD OR IN YOUR MIND. It works!!! 


Have a FABULOUS day…remember…it’s up to you!!

Coach Annalisa~

Follow me on Twitter:   @coachannalisa  

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Relationship “BASICS”, do you have them?

Image Just as there is Etiquette for business, and for entertaining, and for family guidelines…there is relationship etiquette that you shouldn’t have to teach others. One problem that creates a huge gap between two people is when one person seems to understand these simple etiquette guidelines, and another person has a completely different perspective of relating to their partner.  When you have two people who can not seem to get on the same page, and this happens frequently, it is common that when one person tries to explain or help their partner try to understand their view about an issue, or a feeling, it usually ends up in an argument, or creates conflict.

I can not cover ‘all’ relational subject matter that presents couples with problems in one blog, but what is covered are the “BASICS” of healthy, relationship characteristics. The goal here is for you to cross reference this list with your behaviors, your actions, to see if you are making some big relationship mistakes. Also, you may find you need to make changes to improve on creating nurturing, loving connections for you and your love. 

If you are having relationship difficulty, it is always best to evaluate your own behaviors and actions, make self-improvements so you can become your best. When two people are their personal, very best as individuals, they create a bond that is more fun, healthy, intriguing, fulfilling, and passion will naturally develop out of a friendship on fire!

Here are the BASICS (etiquette) for healthy individuals to acquire in order to have a healthy relationship. See if you have some of these characteristics. Evaluate your actions and behaviors, your relationships can improve when you do!

BASIC Rules for INDIVIDUALS so they can experience Healthy relationships:

  1. Passionate Purpose – a person who has interests, a well-liked career perhaps, a hobby, or involvement in a ’cause’, a ‘service’, a work-related mission, or community, or maybe just a personal goal of some kind that drives them to learn more, do more, help more, and generally keeps them excited, challenged, and busy in pursuit of this great endeavor!
  2. Financially Independent & Responsible with Money – This person understands the importance of saving & earning consistently – a person who can make money, manage money, and save money, pay their bills on time, (without excuses or whining) has a positive attitude about money, is a person who can more easily ‘share’ money. This person could take the money they live on, and support an adequate lifestyle even without their partner. This person is able to communicate about money, financial goals, and compromise. This person is not spontaneous, or impulsive, or out of control in their spending habits.
  3. Not Jealous or controlling – this person allows their partner to live independently (have their own interests and activities) and embraces the differences in them. This person does not need to call or text their partner constantly – more than their partner prefers or is comfortable with. They do not have trust issues, they do not feel threatened by friendships their partner has outside the relationship. This person understands that social media is a friendship and networking community and there is not a reason to mistrust their partners use of it. This person is confident in their relationship, and therefore, it is easy to encourage their partner to grow their interests, their businesses, or their passions in whatever that entails.
  4. Never verbally or physically abusive, not easily angered. This person does not project their anger when their expectations are not met, because they are able to communicate without losing their temper. They have impulse control. They do not become emotionally irate. This person can calmly express their thoughts and feelings and have discussions that do not become loud, or full blown arguments. They know that straying from the subject at hand, name-calling, threats to leave, interrupting, getting defensive, and creative avoidant behaviors never lead to resolutions, they only prolong the issues which go unresolved.
  5. They understand their partners love language and cater to it.
  6. They understand their partners values, and are not trying to change them in any way.
  7. They are involved in some type of personal growth activity. Examples (Counseling, Bible study, retreat or self-empowerment activity, church, reading, group meetings, service, ministry, training course, continuing education, etc…) A person who continues to be teachable – is a person growing personally.
  8. They have close friends, and are involved in their extended families lives in some way. This is a sign a person doesn’t have grudges, but forgives and is compassionate toward other’s.
  9. They take care of their bodies, their environment, and their belongings, their children and their pets. They have pride to strive toward good health physically, take pride in cleanliness, and in strive to life a healthy lifestyle. They are nurturing to their children and pets (not involved in addictions of any kind, unclean home, soiled clothing, messy living/work area’s etc..) 
  10. They have a healthy perspective on how to treat their partner.  They don’t get bent out of shape when something goes wrong. They give their partner space when needed, give love and show love to their partner, they encourage other’s, they are kind, they support and edify their partner. They may hug often, they speak love and life to other’s, they are patient. They feel so confident in who they are, and where they are going, their view is that another person should be privileged to have their love! If not, (while they may experience a heart break) they will still go on thriving- because they know where God is leading them!!

Hope you have the BASICS down….life offers enough tough challenges without having to address confrontations on these 10 basic healthy relational tips!  Remember, it’s up to you to design your life. It’s not up to someone else to make your life better. When you are ALL YOU CAN BE, you will be interesting, fun, and other’s will be attracted to your zest for life! If your waiting on someone else to create your happiness, you will be waiting a long, long time. Create your own happiness, your own stability, your own confidence, and you will be VERY ATTRACTIVE!!

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Helping you BECOME your BEST!!   ~Coach Annalisa