Are you a RUG or a BUBBLE?

bubbleWhen the PAIN of remaining the same, grows GREATER than the pain of making a change, you CHANGE!

People want to complain. They play the victim, and have a bad attitude without realizing it. They get sick. Sickness manifests from stress. People target other’s and worldly experiences as reasons they are having a hardship. People are negative. People use doubt as a reason to not move forward. People fear the unknown. People justify their ill feelings based on blaming something or someone or find excuses. People are depressed. People can’t find their happy. People have troubled relationships. People can’t fix the problem in their life. People are discouraged…….
There IS a way out. There IS a remedy. There IS hope.

PRAY & MEDITATE daily for at least 20-30 minutes, learn this art of getting within yourself to heal, renew thoughts, renew focus, seek God.
EXERCISE at least 30 minutes each day.
EAT CLEAN, eat fruits & veggies, avoid processed food, cut out white flour, sugar, and artificial garbage. Choose real organic.
GET CLARITY for your purpose, your passion, your calling. Live life around serving in your area of expertise & gifts- verses working around your hobbies. Put God 1st, family 2nd, career/calling 3rd, and then add hobbies & fun, entertainment and interests; prioritizing your life will add value and harmony, a disorderly life depletes your energy. Being scattered often leads to having to rely on other’s for taking care of responsibilities that are yours.

Remember when our children would plea for doing something themselves, and we were resistant to allow them to do it, because we knew they would either get hurt, fall, fail, or otherwise mess it up? But our MESSING UP or getting hurt, or failing, or falling, is EXACTLY WHY we learned to do it better. Do it differently. We kept falling until we mastered the task. Stay consistent with this list, no matter how you fail, fall, or mess up – I promise, with consistency, you will ‘FEEL BETTER” “LOOK BETTER” “PERFORM BETTER” and it will create in you a feeling of self confidence that only comes from self satisfaction of a job well done!!

Most people don’t relaize they are continueing to complain about things they can’t change. We can only change our reactions, our attitudes and perspectives about things. So why not start today, CHANGE your habits. CHANGE to making this list your priority everyday. See if by practicing these simple steps, you don’t start FEELING BETTER…LOOKING BETTER….HAVE MORE POSITIVE EMOTIONS….ENJOYING LIFE MORE!

  • Doing these things consistently will eliminate negative energy. This regimen will reduce or eliminate stress.
  • This to-do list will greatly reduce or eliminate bad feelings, depression, sadness.
  • This list will give you a new focus, so less focus is dwelling on a crisis.
  • This list adds a sense of self-worth, dignity, pride, and good emotions because it is taking care of your body. Taking care of our passions. Taking care of our mind. Taking care of our focus and discipline, and schedule.
  • When your life- physically and emotionally- is in order, it is then you can thrive professionally, in relationships, and especially with feelings about yourself. Self confidence is the catalyst that propels you positively toward your goals in all area’s of your life.
  • The higher self-esteem you have, the higher your deserve level raises up. And when that happens you begin to recognize behaviors that cause you pain. The more pain you recognize and feel, the lower your tolerance becomes of unkind, manipulative, and emotionally unhealthy people. The lower your tolerance – the stronger you are in setting boundaries for a peaceful life.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God (within) ….and all these things shall be added unto you. 

With God, all things are possible.

Your body is a holy temple of GOD. 

And be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Eph.4:23

A life ending in destruction is one whose God is their belly (over-eaters)whose glory is in their shame (wrong doers) and whose mind is on earthly things (material-world minded) Phil. 3:19

In 1937, Napoleon Hill wrote a book about food, sex, and unspiritual minds being the culprits to why people are unhappy, unstable, broke, uncreative, unhealthy, and unable to see God’s grace. How powerful his words are in this very day and time when people are staying in unhealthy relationships for sex, or based on fear of being alone. People are not controlling their minds and seeking God to guide them, and therefore fall to the temptations of worldly material things to try and find happiness. Some people need constant noise, entertainment, and people around them because they are afraid of their own thoughts, owning their feelings or going down self discovery lane! Some people never meditate to find peace, clarity, or sense of purpose. They just take life on like a big giant shaggy rug, and absorb whatever comes their way. A better plan is living life like we are inside a giant invisible bubble that attracts the things we desire, and repels the people and things that don’t align with our boundaries; boundaries that we set that align with our purpose; our purpose that aligns with our passions. Our passions that align with our skills, gifts, talents, and deepest desires!!

Are you a RUG, or a BUBBLE??

Try the list for a month. See how life changes for you. Remember, it’s up to you – to make your life wonderful, fabulous and worth living- in peace and harmony and happiness!!

GET COACHED! BE BLESSED!!

Life Coach Annalisa~

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Motivational Speaking

166 As a Professional Certified Life Coach, Relationship Specialist, Therapist, Inspirational Speaker, Author, Business Owner, and Former Radio Show Host, Annalisa has 7 years experience helping marriages, young engaged couples, and singles find their way into improved relationships and careers. In that journey of guiding clients in her Life Coaching practice, she has discovered the root causes of conflict, discouragement, and even emotional turmoil.  She is equipped with several phenomenal speaking topics that will assist and enlighten individuals toward peaceful relationships at work, at home, and with their spouse.

Her ideal audience would be a woman’s group, couples, church staff or church members, a class, a meet up group, a community group, a business, a sales team, or a civic organization.

The topics offered for speaking engagements are:

  • MASTERING YOUR MARRIAGE
  • COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT RESOLUTION
  • SINGLE PARENT SURVIVAL
  • DATING DO’S & DON’TS
  • 10 COMMANDMENTS FOR DIVORCED PARENTS
  • BLENDED FAMILY SURVIVAL
  • THE GREAT-8! Discovering Life’s 8 essential needs & how to fulfill them God’s way!
  • Self-Empowerment & Feeling Fabulous!
  • Growing your Team & Increasing Sales!
  • DISCOVERING YOUR CALLING!

Annalisa O’Toole  has a fun, uplifting, warm spirit that is sure to inspire, entertain, educate, and motivate any audience!  To check her schedule for availability, please contact her by calling 678-431-6528.

Rates for up to 1 hour of Speaking time are as follows:

  • Christian Organizations: $150
  • Church Services or events: Love Offering from audience/membership
  • Woman’s Group, Club, or Non-Profit: $150
  • Business Staff event, meeting, conference: $250
  • Retreat, Convention, Workshop: $250

Add-On fee’s not included:

  • Travel required outside Metro-Atlanta area, driving & time consideration fee: $50
  • Travel requiring Airlines, Hotel, & Expenses fee, if not covered by Client: $850+ (may vary, negotiable)
  • Personal Consultation fee: $85
  • Break-Out session teaching/speaking fee: $50 each
  • Ticket price of admission and/or meal at your event
  • For each additional speaking topic at the same event: $50

*All fee’s are negotiable and may vary depending on individual needs, location, travel arrangements, and unforeseen factors.

Reasons to…RUN!!!!…if you’re dating someone with these…

SIGNS OF AN UNBALANCED PERSON you might date…
If any of these apply, no matter how cute, good-looking, how charming, or how attracted you are…RUN!!! Don’t make excuses, these are serious RED FLAGS. If you have to justify or answer to any of these with a statement like: “Well, they are working on that area” -or- “I see them trying to change that…” ..the Relationship coach says…RUN!!! They need some personal growth before being in a committed relationship, because the chances of them depending on ‘you’ to fill the missing link, is too great. Do you want a partner to ‘give’ to you or just ‘take’? More taking happens when you connect to someone who is unbalanced.
*NO BANK ACCOUNT or consistent money problems, needs to borrow money.
*NO PASSIONATE INTEREST- no use of creative talents, no excitement in work
*NO SERVING- not giving their time, talent, or money to help other’s in someway
*ADDICTED to alcohol, drugs, prescriptions, career, porn, hobbies, self, shopping
*ROLLER-COASTER personality.High & lows, depression, flip flops frequently.
*FRUITS of the SPIRIT are not apparent in their life. See Gal 5:22.
*CRISIS ORIENTED or DRAMATIC. Drama is creative avoidance.
*VERBAL, EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL abusers; or MANIPULATORS are unhealthy
*NOT OVER X, see’s, dates, text’s or socializes with an x-lover, partner, or spouse.
*NOT able to SET BOUNDARIES-yes is not yes, no is not no, or they stay neutral.
*DOES not HONOR their WORD. Non-committal, won’t set plans, breaks their word.
*Poor HEALTH HABITS: smoking, excessive drinking, over-eating, lazy, on med’s
*Poor MIND-SET: negative more than positive, Not goal-oriented, glass 1/2 empty
*EASILY ANGERS- this is a sign of deeper unresolved issues
*SELF-ABSORBED-always concerned about their role, their part, what affects them
*HIGH EXPECTATIONS- they always tend to expect things, has conditions
*NO COMPASSION-not a good listener, no romance, no eye-contact=no intimacy
*NOT NURTURING-does not meet your emotional needs, nor is a team player
*NOT INTERESTED in Spiritual growth-doesn’t talk about or learn more about God
*NOT INTERESTED in activities you like, your children, your hobbies, you world!
*CRITIQUES your interests, friends, spending habits, passions, activities often.
*VALUES are vastly different. Priorities are never aligned with yours creating conflict

Hope this helps. If you or someone you know is having relationship difficulty, Call 678-431-6528, Coach ANNALISA can schedule a phone session or in person session, Mention this post for 10%off!!

Three Tree’s

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My daughter in college is a nanny. She watches over three very young sisters. Her hours after her classes are usually from 3pm -8pm, sometimes she stays later. She was putting the oldest child to bed, when the little one asked her to read a library book she had checked out. The story of the three tree’s goes something like this:

The Three Trees
Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: ” I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!” The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it’s way to the ocean. ” I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world! The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me they’ll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.

Years, passed. The rain came, the sun shone and the little trees grew tall. One day three wood cutters climbed the mountain. The first wood cutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the first tree fell. “Now I shall make a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!” the first tree said.

The second wood cutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is strong. It’s perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the second tree fell. “Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. ” I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!”

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last wood cutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the wood cutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for me.” He muttered. With a swoop of his shining ax, the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the wood cutter brought her to a carpenter’s shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, or treasure. She was coated with saw dust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the wood cutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was hammered and awed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river, instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the wood cutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. “What happened?” The once tall tree wondered. ” All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God…”

Many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. “I wish I could make a cradle for him.” Her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and sturdy wood. ” This manger is beautiful.” She said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and a thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She new she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awoke. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, “Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten wood pile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hand to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

Things aren’t always as they seem; in the midst of hardship, are the invisible inner workings of your dream. God is designing, creating, and working behind the visible scenes to bring you honor, happiness, and all the desires of your heart. Seek Him, and you will find him. Knock and His door shall be opened. Do unto other’s as you would have them do unto you, and your dreams will come true. The seasons of challenge and painful experiences are only that – a season; believe with all your heart, God is working and creating life to be in your favor, and your dream will be bigger and better than you could ever even imagine!

~Life Coach Annalisa

http://www.annalisaotoole.com

The Three Tree’s ref: http://www.word4life.com

http://www.annalisaotoole.com

Re-design Your Life!

ImageHere’s a little info about how to  re-design your life! These are tips I give individuals who come to sessions when they are at a crossroads, and wanting to recreate their life. Whether they are having trouble in relationships, experiencing anxiety or depression, or needing to discover their calling, these are the first tips I share with them:

  • CHANGING YOUR THINKING WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. We all have a brain that like a computer, defaults to the negative, the worst case scenario, the doubt, fear, guilt, the self-sabotage, the hopelessness — I believe that when Satan gave Eve the apple, it wasn’t just about SIN…God was in a sense saying, “If you stay in connectedness with me, seek me, I will bring you peace. I will comfort you, I will bring to your mind thoughts of hope, joy, patience, peace, happiness, love, etc…But, if you are out of connectedness with me, you are opening your mind to all that is not of love…other influences…

– hopelessness, guilt, fear, doubt, shame, lust, just to name a few” …..all those are negative thoughts of the mind. Based on your thoughts in your mind — you experience emotions. Then, based on those emotions…we act or react. So, if we program (and constantly re-program) our minds, controlling our thoughts, it is then, we are able to control our emotions, and then in turn, act in ways which we do not regret, or act in ways that attract that which we most desire. IT ALL STARTS WITH THOUGHT!!!!!

  • DAILY QUIET TIMES are essential for connecting to your deep thoughts, connecting to God, and putting time invested in a quiet place to re-program your thoughts, and shift your perspectives to the best case scenario, the positive side , and the happy thoughts of what you desire, and what you want, and what you want to do, change, see, or be — etc. Quiet times are not just for lifting your desires to the Lord in prayer, but they also, if you allow your mind to be still and go quiet; it is amazing how God can speak to you in this time.  Meditation is an amazing way to reduce stress, eliminate depression, and add time for you (that you deserve!) to reflect and ponder what you want and how you will proceed to achieve it!
  • PASSIONATE PURPOSE…if you have not considered what God’s purpose is for your life, if you have not discovered your calling, or know what your gifts, talents, skills, and creativity are, and how you can serve other’s with them, then you are missing a VITAL part of being all you can be. When you are involved in something outside your children and family, something you feel is worthwhile, (it may be your vocation or job, or it may be alongside your job as a part-time job) or it may be a hobby or deep interest, as long as it is something that you love to do…and you feel you are making a difference with this idea, or calling, or purpose. It aides in helping us to feel a sense of acceptance, purposeful, and helps us to feel we are serving others and making a difference.Some people choose a career, or a job for this, but most people are not in a career or job of a lifetime. If you can spend time discovering your calling, you would complete a void in your life that you may not even realize is missing. AND….you become a much more interesting and unique person who has an apparant passion and interesting things to talk about, and less likely to become co-dependent on someone in a relationship to make you feel worthy, or special. If you are depending on a relationship partner to make you feel valuable, you are making a big mistake. You will, without realizing it, seem needy-clingy, or overbearing.  If you seek a mature, independent partner who loves what they do in life, someone who is balanced, and has personal activities that make them feel complete (sports, church activities, a busy career they love, or a hobby they are into) then you need to have the same! The best relationships  are when two independent people, thrive to grow personally and in healthy ways, come together and share their lives, not two uninvolved people who have no idea what their skills or talents are, have no personal direction or goal, and so they are completely reliant on someone else for their activities, fun, and making them feel valued. BIG mistake.
  • NEVER STOP PERSONALLY GROWING AND LEARNING

School should never be out for the pro. Admit your weaknesses. Have a coach or power partner help point out areas of weakness they see, or help you with encouraging you toward your goals. Whatever you’re working on (hopefully, always something) have that person be your biggest fan. The average of the 5 people you talk to the most is who you will become. That can be scary!! Are your closest friends -energy drainers, emotional vampires, or are they encouragers, lifters of your spirit?  Evaluate this carefully, it makes a huge difference in life.  Always be reading a good book, or watching a you tube video that is in the area of your personal interest. This information can be very helpful toward personally growing to be your very best.

  • MAKE YOUR MUST HAVE LIST FOR YOUR IDEAL PARTNER if you are single and desiring a soul mate….

This is HUGE. If you do not have set boundaries for the kind of companion you want, how will you ever know if the next one you meet or go out with will match with your values or your lifestyle? The biggest relationship mistake I see in my coaching practice besides ‘one person not having a personal goal’, or a ‘passionate interest’ (so they lean too much on high expectations of their partner to get what they are seeking in life) is that they fall too quick, or too easily for someone they are very attracted to (in looks) and then after becoming emotionally and sexually connected, they realize the other person is becoming distant, or the other person doesn’t fit their lifestyle, or they constantly don’t meet your expectations…and so…you’re disappointed once again.  Make the list. Never settle. BELIEVE in that person, who is right for you, EXPECT them to show up in God’s way, In God’s time!!

    • LOVE YOURSELF. FORGIVE YOURSELF.  God made you in His image. He didn’t create junk. Satan just makes you believe you are- by getting in your head. GET RID OF those thoughts which do not align with peace, comfort and joy.  KNOW that you have great potential to be, do, and soar with anything you want to. Begin your mediations with I AM statements of affirmation. No one will believe in you, love you, care about you deeply, until YOU start doing these with yourself first!!!!
    • LIVE INSIDE OUT!  Most people do not live and operate life from this perspective. Know yourself, love yourself, openly and admittedly verbalize your weaknesses, and your gifts, skills, and talents…decide on a path, forgive yourself for past, and set boundaries for your life (what you WILL do, WILL NOT do, WILL have, WILL NOT have, and what you stand for, etc…) then you always know in a short time, if a new person, or opportunity comes your way — if it fits what you have already established as part of your life!!!  Most people though, never decide these things. They never list their skills, believe in their self. They never set their boundaries for an ideal partner…(even as detailed as considering where they want to retire!) so…they are like tumbleweeds in the wind…going with whatever rolls their way, and not understanding why they never get what they want!!!
  • CONNECT TO PEOPLE who are where you want to be – emotionally, physically, vocationally, and spiritually!! These are the folks that inspire you. These are people who will live their lives that reflect how you would most like to live yours!  They will be positive influences because you admire and respect their choices. you will learn more by surrounding yourself with successful people. You will reach higher when everyone around you is achieving their dreams. Add these people to your Face Book, follow them on Twitter, Google plus, or linked in. This way, you can learn how they are succeeding, how they are networking, how are they living life with a positive outlook, learn what their secrets are!
  • LET GO OF WHAT NO LONGER SERVES YOU.  It’s not easy to let go of things. Extra debt, extra junk, an obsession, a temptation, etc…Especially people or relationships, but as Dave Ramsey always says:

Do today what some won’t; to have later in life, what most other’s don’t!

  • YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST!!!  What you think on you bring on. What you think about, you bring about.  If you will start saying affirmations in your head as you think during the day, or when you have quiet time, or meditate: I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM TALENTED! I AM DESERVING OF A PARTNER WHO LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY.  I AM ATTRACTING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. I AM ATTRACTING LOVE TO MY LIFE. I AM MINDFUL OF HELPING OTHERS.  ETC…CREATE SOME AFFIRMATIONS OF YOUR OWN, BELIEVING, EXPECTING, AND REHEARSING THEM ALOUD OR IN YOUR MIND. It works!!! 

 

Have a FABULOUS day…remember…it’s up to you!!

Coach Annalisa~   www.annalisaotoole.com

Follow me on Twitter:   @coachannalisa  

Like FaceBook page:  Inspired Life Coaching  678-431-6528

 

DATING MUST DO’s… when you meet someone new!

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Dating Must Do’s..

When you meet someone new…

Meeting new people, potential dating prospects can be fun, but also exhausting if you’re trying too hard. Maybe you signed up for speed dating, or you’re online with a dating site, or just hitting your local pub for karaoke night in hopes THE ONE will be there –this article will help you. As a Relationship specialist, I see a lot of dating mistakes in the single community. As I coach individuals, I first work to guide them toward shifting their thoughts toward positive expectations, believing, and trusting the right person will be coming into their life, soon.
Before you even meet someone, your thoughts and beliefs should be aligned with what it is you deeply and truly want. If you don’t believe you will ever meet the right one, or you say to yourself –“There’s just no one out there that’s a perfect match for me” – Guess what? Your right! The first step in meeting a person who is most likely your match is changing your thoughts toward your expectations. Read the following great tips for developing a potential dating relationship:
1. ALWAYS BELIEVE! There is a soul mate for you. BELIEVE and trust that the right person for you is coming into your life soon. BELIEVE and EXPECT you will meet this person in the perfect time. BELIEVE that you are worthy and deserve the right person. Believe that they will be aligned with the right characteristics that you want, you need, and you desire. This brings us to the second step of meeting the perfect dating candidate –
2. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! How could you ever expect to know if someone aligns with your life, values, and preferences, if you haven’t made a written list of your must-haves, or at least a mental list of the qualities (physical and emotional) that you desire most in a partner? If you haven’t made your list, this is a vital step in meeting an ideal mate.
3. TAKE THE SLOW ROAD! Someone you just met does not need to hear from you by text or phone calls more than once a day, if even that! Take it slow at first, and get a feel for their comfort zone in the area of staying in contact. Their job, their responsibilities on the home-front (kids, elderly, room-mates, etc) can play a major part in their availability. Also, with mature daters, (divorced, older adults) talk-texting is less preferred. And honestly, talk-texting (this is where you send multiple conversational statements, instead of short brief texts like, I’m running late, Thinking of you, Sorry i couldn’t answer, I’m in a meeting, cyl (call ya later), etc) is not a good way to develop a new friendship. Getting to know someone is much more productive when a ‘live’ conversation can determine tones, attitudes, emotions, voice fluctuations, and detect styles of humor, much, much, better. So, Talk live, not text-talking, easy does it!!
4. DEVELOP A FRIENDSHIP! It is a big mistake to ‘assume’ a relationship, a potential relationship, or assume you’re ‘dating’ just because they shared their number with you, chatted with you online, or are actively taking your texts and calls. EASY does it! Take the dating jitters away by assuming you have a great new friend, and that’s all. This way, there’s less tension (even if you find yourself very attracted to them) and there is less tension if you don’t have a physical chemistry with them (this could grow, ya know! based from becoming super-compatible) This includes not using sexual innuendos, not flirting heavily, or using inappropriate comments or language – that is a real turn off when you’re considering growing a friendship, and should be reserved for a close, dating relationship. Another red flag in a new developing ‘friendship’ is not fishing for compliments, fishing for feed-back for someone to verbalize their future desires, fishing for information on where you stand in the relationship (all of these are indicate you may be insecure and/or needy) Allow the relationship to develop naturally, have fun! Developing a friendship should also include the old school-90-day-rule. If you aren’t familiar, this is the rule where you ‘do not become intimately involved’ for 90 days. Devout Christians refrain until marriage, an awesome choice. Some daters however, truly believe intimate relations has no bearing on the success of a future relationship at all. Statistics show, more men label women who do not set boundaries for this area as ‘good-time’ girls, thinking, “if they will go here with me this quickly, how many other’s have gotten this lucky too?” Be a ‘keeper’ , be someone who vows- for your own protection, not to give yourself away before you connect with someone on a deep, very emotionally bonded way, and you have had ample time to understand their deeper characteristics (that meet your list) before you become intimate. Once you are intimate, you have sent a hidden message (guys and girls) “YOU ARE A MATCH FOR ME!” Too many relationships are based on great physical attraction, and the emotional bond is lacking, therefore, the relationship has trouble; and is very hard to break out of after crossing this line.
5.ASK QUESTIONS!!! As you get to know someone, ask questions that help you determine their inner, deeper values, interests, hobbies, passions, beliefs, lifestyle and preferences. By doing this, this will help you cut to the chase with where you want the ‘friendship to go’ and you can set the tones to keep the relationship in the areas in which you prefer. Here are some area’s of relationships to determine which one (by asking lots of questions) they are in:

  • New Friend-Getting to know them, its brand new (within 1-3 weeks new)
  • New Friend-Talking stage, sharing conversations, emails, texting, chat (1 day – years, can vary greatly)
  • New Friend-want to spend some time together now stage-has intrigued me enough to want to get together (not a formal, or romantic date, just a casual outing or get together is best. No Kissing!!!) NO RUSHING….it will almost never work out, no matter how bad you want to rush it!!
  • New Boy/Girl-Friend-want to commit to dating exclusively (only date that person) not seeing other people – in deep like, infatuated for sure, maybe falling in love -change relationship status on social media!
  • Broken-Relationship -Staying Friends, but not remaining in an exclusive relationship- something just wasn’t aligned with my needs – this person did not turn out to be a match for me, I know why, I can communicate why -and can move forward positively. (If you don’t know what happened, but your love went MIA or broke up without a full explanation -or had someone else on the side- they have a serious communication problem, better you’re out now, than down the road! A person unable to express their desires, or dislikes, isn’t someone who would create a harmonious future!)
  • Friend with benefits – this is a sad place to be, because it implies you have sexual needs without commitment, without emotional attachment, and in the long run, you potentially hurt your own heart. Having a friendship-on-fire in a committed relationship where the person meets your needs and creates you to feel fulfilled is the ultimate sexual experience, and the ultimate intimate closeness. There is nothing lasting about this (fwb) arrangement, this temporary fulfillment gives false-hope, usually ending in hurt, abandonment, and no friendship at all. If one person begins a relationship with someone else, this is an awkward predicament and can cause ill-will.

6. KNOW & LOVE WHO YOU ARE! Know your calling. Know your purpose. Spend time alone in quiet meditation. Like being alone. Get comfortable being alone, in quiet discovery of personal growth. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? What dreams do you want to accomplish? Where is your ideal retirement location? Do you have retirement planned, or are you more spontaneously taking life as it comes? What are your preferences with adult children, education, elderly parents, future career plans? Have you planned for your health needs, or created a will? If you haven’t discovered yourself, and know your political, spiritual, career, personal, and parenting preferences and goals, how could you possibly know if someone will align with them? How will you know if their lifestyle will match yours if you don’t know where you want to live, or work, or end up? This ‘lack of personal purpose is a major root of many unhappy couples in marriage coaching sessions, one person has no idea what they want to be when they grow up even though they are a mature adult, and often project their unhappiness onto their spouse!! Discover WHO you are, WHAT you want, then make your ideal mate list. When you know yourself, your ideal mate will be a life-partner, not just a convenient, fun, companion.
7. DON’T SEND THE WRONG SIGNALS! It is not a good idea to make yourself completely available in a new relationship. Show the person you have interests, you have a great fulfilling life (this makes you more interesting!) No one really wants or needs someone with them as much as possible (a sign of emotionally unhealthiness) If you agree to meet them every time they ask, if you engage in long, gazey-eye contact, if you begin or entertain flirtations, begin texting and staying in close contact each morning, each evening, you are sending the message: I AM VERY INTERESTED IN YOU. If you want to remain ‘just-friends’, don’t send the wrong signals. Set the appropriate boundaries (kindly of course) that continues and fosters the friendship. There are definite actions of friends, and definite actions more appropriate for daters. Know the difference. Everyone, whether a match for you or not, deserves to be treated respectfully, honestly, and kindly. If they were not really interested in you, would you want them to continue to flirt, kiss you, and text you often? The Golden Rule is a good one to follow in new friendships!
Wishing you the best dating endeavors, smart new friendship choices, and the greatest relationship success!! I believe in you, believe in yourself, believe in your soul mate, and in ALL your dreams coming true!!

Life Coach, Relationship Specialist, Inspirational Speaker,
Annalisa O’Toole

For more dating and relationship coaching, visit www.annalisaotoole.com

Are you Emotionally Healthy?

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Let’s look at what emotional health is so you can evaluate YOUR life, your dating life, your married life, your work life,  and your relationships.

Emotionally healthy people seem to have balance. They usually have a specific purpose in life that drives their passion, and zest for accomplishment. They are generally stable, content folks who love life and have a great positive perspective on the world, faith, friends, family and relationships. Not to say they don’t make mistakes, or they don’t have challenges – we all have a different set of dysfunction that has different levels of crisis. Emotionally healthy people respond to difficult situations in a calm, but firm decisive manner, often supporting other’s and leading other’s to do the same. They are patient, they are kind, and they evaluate all options before hastily reacting too quickly, even in the midst of a traumatic situation.  Emotionally healthy people tend to set boundaries, and live life proactively.  They are usually well respected in their field or profession, and have a close network of supporters.

In my life coaching experiences, I have become aware of common traits within a large populations of emotionally unhealthy individuals.  Unhealthy emotions usually cause broken relationships, job loss, addictions, depression, and many other forms of life dysfunction. However, most emotionally unhealthy people don’t realize that their emotions are the culprit to their bigger problems.  So, I have decided to create a checklist. This checklist serves as a guide, for one to gauge their emotional health. If you check one or more of these symptoms, you might want to consider emotional healing therapy.  Emotional blocks can create problems such as stress, depression, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of loss, fear of success. Problems themselves are sometimes not as difficult as dealing with the emotional state we feel trapped in because of  these fears. Lack of spirituality (experiencing oneness with God) and establishing your life’s purpose can create feelings of worthlessness, and an undeserving spirit can intensify emotional unhealthy behaviors.

Thoughts and beliefs create fear or faith. Fear or faith thought creates feelings, feelings create responses, responses create actions that determine our destiny. So, emotions play a huge role in happiness, in experiencing peace, and experiencing joy and balance in life, but these things begin with ‘thoughts’.

Look through this checklist and check all that apply. If you have more than one checked, consider your emotional health, your emotional well-being, and consider making some changes to move forward toward a balanced life with one or more of the following solutions: Seeking Life Coaching, Emotional Healing therapy, Regular Church attendance, speaking and consulting with your pastor or priest, joining a group, or meetup group in your area of interest (go to meetup.com to register FREE) visit a library or bookstore and look for a self-help book in the area of your need…

Here’s the Emotional Checklist (remember, these symptoms indicate there ‘may’ be an issue):

  • Sometimes I cry for no reason
  • I feel high anxiety at least once a day and don’t know why
  • I have panic attacks
  • I feel anxious in social situations, sometimes just wanting to leave
  • I feel quick to anger, often
  • My emotions often elevate, causing me to feel stress, almost daily about little things
  • People get on my nerves so much lately
  • I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my own skin sometimes
  • I feel agitated or irritated often
  • I have low-energy, very lethargic, very unmotivated these days
  • I tend to talk a lot more than I listen
  • I think more about past events or worry about future ones, than the present moments
  • I feel lost and confused, alone and isolated, worried and uncertain much of the time
  • I find myself wondering, Why am I even here? What is the point of life anyway?
  • I tend to ‘latch-on’ in a new relationship quickly, I fall in love easily
  • I tend to have worry or anxiety in a relationship when things seem uncertain
  • I have trouble feeling comfortable when I am alone, I don’t like to be alone
  • I have trouble following through, or following up, or completing tasks
  • I get very troubled when things don’t go my way
  • When my expectations are not met, I get very stressed out
  • I forget things a lot
  • I over eat or snack a lot
  • I turn to alcohol or a pill often to remedy my ailments
  • It seems as though everyone is thriving in life, sometimes I feel left behind
  • Small things bother me a lot, I’m not a perfectionist, just like to be organized
  • There’s always a lot of drama around me
  • I have always had relationships where there are rocky roads, roller coasters of ups and downs
  • I am estranged from a parent or a sibling (not in contact, not actively in a relationship)
  • I am having trouble finding or keeping a job
  • I get very upset at work a lot
  • I stay overworked, tired, and frustrated lately
  • I can’t tell you the last book I read and enjoyed
  • I can’t remember the last vacation I had

If you checked off more than one, or a lot of these symptoms, you could certainly use some help, guidance, or coaching on a few things. First, and foremost, seeking help to find the ‘root’ of your issue causing the symptoms is critical in creating the resolution. Second, finding the right person to help you – and third, being open to ideas, or diagnosis that will direct your path toward better living, and less worry or stress, and acquiring new skills to remedy your negative energy and thoughts and turn your emotional well-being into a positive power house!!

If one emotionally healthy person attached to an unhealthy emotional person, someone will always be fixing, helping, coaching, assisting, and trying hard to alleviate their partners problem. If two emotionally healthy people are paired up, they will usually have a harmonious, and balanced relationship filled with joy, peace, and fun because they are both ‘individually’ balanced. If two emotionally unhealthy individuals are paired up, there will be hell on earth. Love – hate relationship, constant turmoil, and constant problems is this match, for sure. This relationship can be witnessed on almost any episode of  The Jerry Springer show.

If you or someone you love is NOT getting what they most want in life, they are NOT experiencing positive relationships, or satisfaction in their career, or happiness within their family, chances are, they need a little extra guidance. Individuals, with the assistance of a someone, should look within themselves – there’s a whole untapped world in there- to find the answers, and the balance they are seeking. It includes though, shedding old beliefs, old patterns and behaviors that do not serve them well, and identifying what blocks they may have, keeping them from their full potential either in work, in relationships, or personally. This is what the purpose of Emotional healing therapy can provide.

The holidays can be stressful. If you are experiencing emotional pain of any kind, or minor emotional difficulties, then it is highly recommended you consider gifting yourself with the best gift of all, Self-help, personal growth, through Life Coaching. Coaching isn’t for the weak, it is for the strong people who already made the team! You’ve got to be on the team to get coached! Coached players win. Coached players score. Coached players are teachable. Coached players thrive. Coached players are CHAMPIONS!

CHEERS! this holiday season for finding your emotional healthy balance!

This blog has been brought to you by Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole

Enriching Relationships, Healing Hearts, Inspiring Dreams!  

For more info or Life Coaching, visit: <a title="Inspired Life Coaching" href="http://www.inspiredliving.wordpress.com&quot; target="_blank"http://www.inspiredliving.wordpress.com

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