Re-design Your Life!

ImageHere’s a little info about how to  re-design your life! These are tips I give individuals who come to sessions when they are at a crossroads, and wanting to recreate their life. Whether they are having trouble in relationships, experiencing anxiety or depression, or needing to discover their calling, these are the first tips I share with them:

  • CHANGING YOUR THINKING WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. We all have a brain that like a computer, defaults to the negative, the worst case scenario, the doubt, fear, guilt, the self-sabotage, the hopelessness — I believe that when Satan gave Eve the apple, it wasn’t just about SIN…God was in a sense saying, “If you stay in connectedness with me, seek me, I will bring you peace. I will comfort you, I will bring to your mind thoughts of hope, joy, patience, peace, happiness, love, etc…But, if you are out of connectedness with me, you are opening your mind to all that is not of love…other influences…

– hopelessness, guilt, fear, doubt, shame, lust, just to name a few” …..all those are negative thoughts of the mind. Based on your thoughts in your mind — you experience emotions. Then, based on those emotions…we act or react. So, if we program (and constantly re-program) our minds, controlling our thoughts, it is then, we are able to control our emotions, and then in turn, act in ways which we do not regret, or act in ways that attract that which we most desire. IT ALL STARTS WITH THOUGHT!!!!!

  • DAILY QUIET TIMES are essential for connecting to your deep thoughts, connecting to God, and putting time invested in a quiet place to re-program your thoughts, and shift your perspectives to the best case scenario, the positive side , and the happy thoughts of what you desire, and what you want, and what you want to do, change, see, or be — etc. Quiet times are not just for lifting your desires to the Lord in prayer, but they also, if you allow your mind to be still and go quiet; it is amazing how God can speak to you in this time.  Meditation is an amazing way to reduce stress, eliminate depression, and add time for you (that you deserve!) to reflect and ponder what you want and how you will proceed to achieve it!
  • PASSIONATE PURPOSE…if you have not considered what God’s purpose is for your life, if you have not discovered your calling, or know what your gifts, talents, skills, and creativity are, and how you can serve other’s with them, then you are missing a VITAL part of being all you can be. When you are involved in something outside your children and family, something you feel is worthwhile, (it may be your vocation or job, or it may be alongside your job as a part-time job) or it may be a hobby or deep interest, as long as it is something that you love to do…and you feel you are making a difference with this idea, or calling, or purpose. It aides in helping us to feel a sense of acceptance, purposeful, and helps us to feel we are serving others and making a difference.Some people choose a career, or a job for this, but most people are not in a career or job of a lifetime. If you can spend time discovering your calling, you would complete a void in your life that you may not even realize is missing. AND….you become a much more interesting and unique person who has an apparant passion and interesting things to talk about, and less likely to become co-dependent on someone in a relationship to make you feel worthy, or special. If you are depending on a relationship partner to make you feel valuable, you are making a big mistake. You will, without realizing it, seem needy-clingy, or overbearing.  If you seek a mature, independent partner who loves what they do in life, someone who is balanced, and has personal activities that make them feel complete (sports, church activities, a busy career they love, or a hobby they are into) then you need to have the same! The best relationships  are when two independent people, thrive to grow personally and in healthy ways, come together and share their lives, not two uninvolved people who have no idea what their skills or talents are, have no personal direction or goal, and so they are completely reliant on someone else for their activities, fun, and making them feel valued. BIG mistake.
  • NEVER STOP PERSONALLY GROWING AND LEARNING

School should never be out for the pro. Admit your weaknesses. Have a coach or power partner help point out areas of weakness they see, or help you with encouraging you toward your goals. Whatever you’re working on (hopefully, always something) have that person be your biggest fan. The average of the 5 people you talk to the most is who you will become. That can be scary!! Are your closest friends -energy drainers, emotional vampires, or are they encouragers, lifters of your spirit?  Evaluate this carefully, it makes a huge difference in life.  Always be reading a good book, or watching a you tube video that is in the area of your personal interest. This information can be very helpful toward personally growing to be your very best.

  • MAKE YOUR MUST HAVE LIST FOR YOUR IDEAL PARTNER if you are single and desiring a soul mate….

This is HUGE. If you do not have set boundaries for the kind of companion you want, how will you ever know if the next one you meet or go out with will match with your values or your lifestyle? The biggest relationship mistake I see in my coaching practice besides ‘one person not having a personal goal’, or a ‘passionate interest’ (so they lean too much on high expectations of their partner to get what they are seeking in life) is that they fall too quick, or too easily for someone they are very attracted to (in looks) and then after becoming emotionally and sexually connected, they realize the other person is becoming distant, or the other person doesn’t fit their lifestyle, or they constantly don’t meet your expectations…and so…you’re disappointed once again.  Make the list. Never settle. BELIEVE in that person, who is right for you, EXPECT them to show up in God’s way, In God’s time!!

    • LOVE YOURSELF. FORGIVE YOURSELF.  God made you in His image. He didn’t create junk. Satan just makes you believe you are- by getting in your head. GET RID OF those thoughts which do not align with peace, comfort and joy.  KNOW that you have great potential to be, do, and soar with anything you want to. Begin your mediations with I AM statements of affirmation. No one will believe in you, love you, care about you deeply, until YOU start doing these with yourself first!!!!
    • LIVE INSIDE OUT!  Most people do not live and operate life from this perspective. Know yourself, love yourself, openly and admittedly verbalize your weaknesses, and your gifts, skills, and talents…decide on a path, forgive yourself for past, and set boundaries for your life (what you WILL do, WILL NOT do, WILL have, WILL NOT have, and what you stand for, etc…) then you always know in a short time, if a new person, or opportunity comes your way — if it fits what you have already established as part of your life!!!  Most people though, never decide these things. They never list their skills, believe in their self. They never set their boundaries for an ideal partner…(even as detailed as considering where they want to retire!) so…they are like tumbleweeds in the wind…going with whatever rolls their way, and not understanding why they never get what they want!!!
  • CONNECT TO PEOPLE who are where you want to be – emotionally, physically, vocationally, and spiritually!! These are the folks that inspire you. These are people who will live their lives that reflect how you would most like to live yours!  They will be positive influences because you admire and respect their choices. you will learn more by surrounding yourself with successful people. You will reach higher when everyone around you is achieving their dreams. Add these people to your Face Book, follow them on Twitter, Google plus, or linked in. This way, you can learn how they are succeeding, how they are networking, how are they living life with a positive outlook, learn what their secrets are!
  • LET GO OF WHAT NO LONGER SERVES YOU.  It’s not easy to let go of things. Extra debt, extra junk, an obsession, a temptation, etc…Especially people or relationships, but as Dave Ramsey always says:

Do today what some won’t; to have later in life, what most other’s don’t!

  • YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST!!!  What you think on you bring on. What you think about, you bring about.  If you will start saying affirmations in your head as you think during the day, or when you have quiet time, or meditate: I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM TALENTED! I AM DESERVING OF A PARTNER WHO LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY.  I AM ATTRACTING POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. I AM ATTRACTING LOVE TO MY LIFE. I AM MINDFUL OF HELPING OTHERS.  ETC…CREATE SOME AFFIRMATIONS OF YOUR OWN, BELIEVING, EXPECTING, AND REHEARSING THEM ALOUD OR IN YOUR MIND. It works!!! 

 

Have a FABULOUS day…remember…it’s up to you!!

Coach Annalisa~   www.annalisaotoole.com

Follow me on Twitter:   @coachannalisa  

Like FaceBook page:  Inspired Life Coaching  678-431-6528

 

DATING MUST DO’s… when you meet someone new!

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Dating Must Do’s..

When you meet someone new…

Meeting new people, potential dating prospects can be fun, but also exhausting if you’re trying too hard. Maybe you signed up for speed dating, or you’re online with a dating site, or just hitting your local pub for karaoke night in hopes THE ONE will be there –this article will help you. As a Relationship specialist, I see a lot of dating mistakes in the single community. As I coach individuals, I first work to guide them toward shifting their thoughts toward positive expectations, believing, and trusting the right person will be coming into their life, soon.
Before you even meet someone, your thoughts and beliefs should be aligned with what it is you deeply and truly want. If you don’t believe you will ever meet the right one, or you say to yourself –“There’s just no one out there that’s a perfect match for me” – Guess what? Your right! The first step in meeting a person who is most likely your match is changing your thoughts toward your expectations. Read the following great tips for developing a potential dating relationship:
1. ALWAYS BELIEVE! There is a soul mate for you. BELIEVE and trust that the right person for you is coming into your life soon. BELIEVE and EXPECT you will meet this person in the perfect time. BELIEVE that you are worthy and deserve the right person. Believe that they will be aligned with the right characteristics that you want, you need, and you desire. This brings us to the second step of meeting the perfect dating candidate –
2. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! How could you ever expect to know if someone aligns with your life, values, and preferences, if you haven’t made a written list of your must-haves, or at least a mental list of the qualities (physical and emotional) that you desire most in a partner? If you haven’t made your list, this is a vital step in meeting an ideal mate.
3. TAKE THE SLOW ROAD! Someone you just met does not need to hear from you by text or phone calls more than once a day, if even that! Take it slow at first, and get a feel for their comfort zone in the area of staying in contact. Their job, their responsibilities on the home-front (kids, elderly, room-mates, etc) can play a major part in their availability. Also, with mature daters, (divorced, older adults) talk-texting is less preferred. And honestly, talk-texting (this is where you send multiple conversational statements, instead of short brief texts like, I’m running late, Thinking of you, Sorry i couldn’t answer, I’m in a meeting, cyl (call ya later), etc) is not a good way to develop a new friendship. Getting to know someone is much more productive when a ‘live’ conversation can determine tones, attitudes, emotions, voice fluctuations, and detect styles of humor, much, much, better. So, Talk live, not text-talking, easy does it!!
4. DEVELOP A FRIENDSHIP! It is a big mistake to ‘assume’ a relationship, a potential relationship, or assume you’re ‘dating’ just because they shared their number with you, chatted with you online, or are actively taking your texts and calls. EASY does it! Take the dating jitters away by assuming you have a great new friend, and that’s all. This way, there’s less tension (even if you find yourself very attracted to them) and there is less tension if you don’t have a physical chemistry with them (this could grow, ya know! based from becoming super-compatible) This includes not using sexual innuendos, not flirting heavily, or using inappropriate comments or language – that is a real turn off when you’re considering growing a friendship, and should be reserved for a close, dating relationship. Another red flag in a new developing ‘friendship’ is not fishing for compliments, fishing for feed-back for someone to verbalize their future desires, fishing for information on where you stand in the relationship (all of these are indicate you may be insecure and/or needy) Allow the relationship to develop naturally, have fun! Developing a friendship should also include the old school-90-day-rule. If you aren’t familiar, this is the rule where you ‘do not become intimately involved’ for 90 days. Devout Christians refrain until marriage, an awesome choice. Some daters however, truly believe intimate relations has no bearing on the success of a future relationship at all. Statistics show, more men label women who do not set boundaries for this area as ‘good-time’ girls, thinking, “if they will go here with me this quickly, how many other’s have gotten this lucky too?” Be a ‘keeper’ , be someone who vows- for your own protection, not to give yourself away before you connect with someone on a deep, very emotionally bonded way, and you have had ample time to understand their deeper characteristics (that meet your list) before you become intimate. Once you are intimate, you have sent a hidden message (guys and girls) “YOU ARE A MATCH FOR ME!” Too many relationships are based on great physical attraction, and the emotional bond is lacking, therefore, the relationship has trouble; and is very hard to break out of after crossing this line.
5.ASK QUESTIONS!!! As you get to know someone, ask questions that help you determine their inner, deeper values, interests, hobbies, passions, beliefs, lifestyle and preferences. By doing this, this will help you cut to the chase with where you want the ‘friendship to go’ and you can set the tones to keep the relationship in the areas in which you prefer. Here are some area’s of relationships to determine which one (by asking lots of questions) they are in:

  • New Friend-Getting to know them, its brand new (within 1-3 weeks new)
  • New Friend-Talking stage, sharing conversations, emails, texting, chat (1 day – years, can vary greatly)
  • New Friend-want to spend some time together now stage-has intrigued me enough to want to get together (not a formal, or romantic date, just a casual outing or get together is best. No Kissing!!!) NO RUSHING….it will almost never work out, no matter how bad you want to rush it!!
  • New Boy/Girl-Friend-want to commit to dating exclusively (only date that person) not seeing other people – in deep like, infatuated for sure, maybe falling in love -change relationship status on social media!
  • Broken-Relationship -Staying Friends, but not remaining in an exclusive relationship- something just wasn’t aligned with my needs – this person did not turn out to be a match for me, I know why, I can communicate why -and can move forward positively. (If you don’t know what happened, but your love went MIA or broke up without a full explanation -or had someone else on the side- they have a serious communication problem, better you’re out now, than down the road! A person unable to express their desires, or dislikes, isn’t someone who would create a harmonious future!)
  • Friend with benefits – this is a sad place to be, because it implies you have sexual needs without commitment, without emotional attachment, and in the long run, you potentially hurt your own heart. Having a friendship-on-fire in a committed relationship where the person meets your needs and creates you to feel fulfilled is the ultimate sexual experience, and the ultimate intimate closeness. There is nothing lasting about this (fwb) arrangement, this temporary fulfillment gives false-hope, usually ending in hurt, abandonment, and no friendship at all. If one person begins a relationship with someone else, this is an awkward predicament and can cause ill-will.

6. KNOW & LOVE WHO YOU ARE! Know your calling. Know your purpose. Spend time alone in quiet meditation. Like being alone. Get comfortable being alone, in quiet discovery of personal growth. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? What dreams do you want to accomplish? Where is your ideal retirement location? Do you have retirement planned, or are you more spontaneously taking life as it comes? What are your preferences with adult children, education, elderly parents, future career plans? Have you planned for your health needs, or created a will? If you haven’t discovered yourself, and know your political, spiritual, career, personal, and parenting preferences and goals, how could you possibly know if someone will align with them? How will you know if their lifestyle will match yours if you don’t know where you want to live, or work, or end up? This ‘lack of personal purpose is a major root of many unhappy couples in marriage coaching sessions, one person has no idea what they want to be when they grow up even though they are a mature adult, and often project their unhappiness onto their spouse!! Discover WHO you are, WHAT you want, then make your ideal mate list. When you know yourself, your ideal mate will be a life-partner, not just a convenient, fun, companion.
7. DON’T SEND THE WRONG SIGNALS! It is not a good idea to make yourself completely available in a new relationship. Show the person you have interests, you have a great fulfilling life (this makes you more interesting!) No one really wants or needs someone with them as much as possible (a sign of emotionally unhealthiness) If you agree to meet them every time they ask, if you engage in long, gazey-eye contact, if you begin or entertain flirtations, begin texting and staying in close contact each morning, each evening, you are sending the message: I AM VERY INTERESTED IN YOU. If you want to remain ‘just-friends’, don’t send the wrong signals. Set the appropriate boundaries (kindly of course) that continues and fosters the friendship. There are definite actions of friends, and definite actions more appropriate for daters. Know the difference. Everyone, whether a match for you or not, deserves to be treated respectfully, honestly, and kindly. If they were not really interested in you, would you want them to continue to flirt, kiss you, and text you often? The Golden Rule is a good one to follow in new friendships!
Wishing you the best dating endeavors, smart new friendship choices, and the greatest relationship success!! I believe in you, believe in yourself, believe in your soul mate, and in ALL your dreams coming true!!

Life Coach, Relationship Specialist, Inspirational Speaker,
Annalisa O’Toole

For more dating and relationship coaching, visit www.annalisaotoole.com

“The List”…a guide for dating

"The List"…a guide for dating.

“The List”…a guide for dating

Many people make the mistake of ‘falling into infatuation’ with the ‘illusion’ the person they are attracted to, is or could be, ‘the one’. They are in hopeful mode that the deeper character of this person is a match for what their personal needs are, so they move forward in the relationship, only to get disappointed after they become ‘emotionally connected’ because things aren’t working out. Their expectations are not met, and the whole ordeal is a big disappointment.  To keep yourself ‘guarded’, and determining if this person is a match, to keep from becoming too emotionally connected too fast…here is a sample list of qualities. It is important to have

the list….

Henry Ford SAW the Model T in his mind before he developed it.  Abraham Lincoln had a VISION in his mind of leading as an influential politician, running 9 times before being elected. Hank Aaron struck out way more times than he hit home runs because he was CLEAR on hitting homeruns and determined. BELIEVE in your soul mate. ASK God to bring you favor for a companion that is well suited and aligned with your needs and desires. TRUST that God is bringing this person to you. BE CLEAR WHO THEY NEED TO BE, by making a list. Use this one as a guide. Tweak it, Delete things, add things, and re-word things. But, HAVE YOUR LIST!!

This is a real list created for a client that she and I created, as she was having trouble evaluating whether to continue in dating after certain qualities or characteristics became apparent.

I am sending this to you because I didn’t know if you had a list, and hoping this will bring you much success in your dating endeavors!!

Love & Friendship ~

Life Coach Annalisa

www.annalisaotoole.com

P.S. IT WORKS!!

 

THE LIST:

  1. IDENTIFY the Characteristics you must have in someone.
  2. IDENTIFY the Personal needs you must have in a relationship.
  3. IDENTIFY the Must-haves within a relationship.
  4. IDENTIFY the Red Flags that sabotage a relationship.
  5. IDENTIFY your Values to determine if someone’s values match yours or come close.

 

Characteristics & Must Haves:   Someone who…

  1. Is financially stable and manages their money well.
  2. Is able to talk and communicate about thoughts and feelings.
  3. Is emotionally healthy.
  4. Is able to converse about many subjects.
  5. Can civilly discuss differences-NO: yelling, name calling, changing subject, interrupting)
  6. Does not get angry or defensive & communicates without harshness.
  7. Understands me; we get each other; get on the same page consistently.
  8. Asks questions to seek understanding before jumping to assumptions.
  9. Clearly communicates desires, and goals.
  10. Listens to me, and has input about my ideas, goals, and plans.
  11. Likes to have fun.
  12. Engaged with my children, enjoys activities with family.
  13. emotionally available to me (for my needs, and needing me for theirs)
  14. has a strong work ethic, likes what they do, has passionate purpose
  15. Loves the Lord, and there are fruits in their life to show that.
  16. Goes to church not because I do, but because they like to go.
  17.  approaches our dating decisions as a ‘team’ –  brings ‘us’ together on things
  18. Takes responsibilities for personal choices, actions and obligations – not blaming or finding excuses for things in their control.
  19. A gentleman –or- A Classy woman (well mannered) (socially fits into different type environments)
  20.  is patient
  21.  is kind
  22.  is not self-centered

PERSONAL NEEDS LIST:    Someone who…

  1. is thoughtful
  2. does not criticize me
  3. Encourages and praises and compliments.
  4. provides me with affirmations that we are secure and they are happy
  5. makes me feel important
  6. Makes me feel needed.
  7. someone who makes me feel accepted for who I am
  8. takes the time to know my heart, my desires, my favorite things
  9. is helpful to me
  10. is charming and uses words to affirm their feelings and adoration for me
  11. Accepts and understands my children, their weaknesses & their strengths.
  12. has positive, warm, energy when I am around
  13. always has a kind word to say
  14. Treats other’s they don’t know well in a kind pleasant way.
  15. Will listen to my feelings, even if it’s constructive criticism, and converse without argument about it, doesn’t easily get defensive, can discuss feelings with ease.
  16. Can get to know me on a deep level, without making me feel judged.
  17. Does not put me down, passively or openly.
  18. See’s my weaknesses, but cares about me, and is patient with me anyway.
  19. can laugh with me, not ‘at me’ about things
  20. is proud to have me beside them
  21. displays affection
  22. soothes me when I’m upset rather than get angry that I’m upset
  23. will stay in close communications, talking and texting – so I’m not guessing
  24. will be understanding of my past, and allow me time to grow through issues
  25. Will have my back about things rather than try to tell me I’m wrong; or if I am wrong, tells me in a loving constructive way, not a way that is hurtful.
  26. inspires me, encourages me, and creates positive energy when we’re together
  27. is romantic
  28. shares, is kind-hearted, generous, helpful, and fair
  29. initiates plans and creates plans, not one who counts on me to do it all

VALUES:

  1.  values companionship (romance, team, fun, communication, laughter, travel, prayer)
  2. values family (time, patience, fun, planning, providing, encouragement, )
  3. values God (attends church, talks openly about relationship, strives for best)
  4.  values priorities (financially responsible, work ethic, puts relationship 1st, )

***First, you should determine YOUR personal VALUES and then you know if someone else will be an ideal match because you will share the same ones – in the top 4-6, if at least 2 are the same, the relationship can work. If NO values are matched in two people’s top 6, trouble can occur. People make decisions based on their inner values – so expectations would constantly be unmet if people had vastly differing values.

 

RED FLAGS:

  • Needs to borrow money, or have you front money until…, needs you to buy something to get paid back later, and needs you to co-sign on something. Needs to borrow an item, or your time, or your labor, etc…on a consistent basis. These are all indicative that they are financially, or otherwise- unstable. Financially unstable people over 40 usually stay that way. How to determine this: Look and listen for clues that they have ‘borrowed’ someone else’s item or items. They may have some type of loan owed to a friend or loved one. They are currently renting from a friend or staying with a friend or relative. (Understandable if a young student) They may be driving a car owned by someone else, but no plans to buy it. They sometimes have a part time job, or in a job that is temporary, are unemployed, or job-hoppers.   Takers.

 

  • Picks at little things about you. Makes critical remarks or points out little discrepancies about you. Try’s to appear as though they are teasing, but they do not sandwich these comments with praises, adoration, compliments, or encouragement.  Corrects you. Seems disturbed when you’re confused or make a mistake, rather than correct in a gentle- fun, way with laughter.  Belittlers.

 

  • Is not interested in spending time with your children, friends, or family. Their time around your children is just when he’s around you; he doesn’t make an effort or show attention or understanding to grow a relationship with them individually.They seem disinterested in your friends and family is a sign they may not be that into you.  Or, they may be a control freak and unappreciated your love of family, friends, and people because they want you to their self. BIG HUGE FLAG HERE.  Homewreckers.

 

  • Doesn’t take you or want to go out. They always want to ‘hang out’, but not ‘go out’…They only call at the last minute or doesn’t make a plan or agree with a plan in advance. They seem to only need you late at night. Or they may only see you after they have been drinking or has been elsewhere in the day or evening. They are not making you an important ‘part’ of their world, but making you a ‘part-time- good-time friend’ outside their world-but their words tell you otherwise. They sleep with you, but may have another sexual partner(s). (Ex. Someone married or in another relationship, or getting out of a relationship, someone who travels a lot, someone who is not committed exclusively to you, etc…) Homebodies.

 

  • Breaks their word. When someone breaks their word, or commitment, it makes a person feel rejected. It creates the belief inside of us, that we are unimportant, and something else is ‘more’ important. Emergencies and unexpected things happen, but if this happens frequently – BE WEARY.  A person who honors their word is a person of deep, good character. People who break their word often are usually unstable emotionally, uncommitted to a purpose or plan. Tumbleweeds.

 

  • Lacks a purpose, or ‘focus of passion’ in some defined area of their life! People with a passionate purpose, a defined interest of some kind, whether intertwined with work, or missions, or church related or voluntarily or hobby oriented, are just not as interesting and they are just wondering and many times unhappy and searching for contentment. They lack vision, or clear direction, and will be the type of person who may continue on a quest for direction only to fail at attempts to find it, or become discouraged. They potentially may stop a continued effort and become a stagnant type person who is growing weary of life in general. A person with passion in some area of life is a person who most likely, will not depend on another person for happiness, but embrace a great relationship to be an extension of their inner joy and mission. Question to determine: What inspires you? Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? What are you passionate about most in life?Drifters.

 

  • Doesn’t feel comfortable talking about feelings. If you encounter an emotionally unavailable person, RUN! How to determine this: They do not ask questions to gather more information when you begin talking about your feelings. They may become agitated with the conversation. They may immediately stop the conversation, leave the room, get distracted, create avoidance, or change the subject.  Funtimers.

 

  • Quick tempered, easily frustrated or upset, or easily angered. This is a sign of an unhealthy emotional person who obviously has some unresolved issues within themselves. They are often the very people who ‘twist’ your feelings into making you feel as though YOU have done something wrong, or behaved hastily – when in fact, they have hurt you, and aren’t healthy enough to ‘hear’ your hurt or why. How to determine this: Listen closely to their tones and attitudes toward challenges that arise in their life, they will display this toward things outside of you long before they will demonstrate this to you in the beginning of a relationship. Signs are: easily agitated with a slow server, easily argumentative with a someone over a small situation, finds fault quickly with others, shows frustration over the slightest setback, complains about work a lot, has disagreements with people often in their circle of influence, is estranged from a family member (parent, sibling, child, former partner, etc)   Maddogs.

 

  • Has not lived alone or outside of being involved in a relationship. This is usually a sign that this person has trouble being alone. A person who is not comfortable being alone, is usually not in tune with their inner self. Often they do not like their self, sometimes they can be insecure. They possibly can be co-dependent, not always a good choice, because no one wants to be connected to someone who is needy-clingy. Question for them to determine this: How long have you lived alone, or been in the single lifestyle without being involved in a relationship?    Dependents.

 

  • Seems to always see the glass half-empty, has a down-spirit about them, shows a negative attitude toward work, life, people, and challenges –This person seems  ‘mad at the world’ or- only happy when they are around other’s, in a party, or at a social event, but down when they are in a quiet setting, alone, or with just you. This type of person is subtle at first with these type characteristics, but then starts showing stronger signs of them. This is usually a sign of a depressed person, or an introverted person who is unhappy, and feels unfulfilled in some way.  This type individual often looks for and is attracted to someone outgoing, a happy energetic person. They tend to seek out positive energetic souls to make them feel accepted and worthy – but when a person doesn’t discover this on their own, within their self, their relationships will have difficulties. Question to determine this: What do you love most about yourself? People down on life will be down on their self, and most likely have terrible trouble answering this.  Downers.

 

  • Doesn’t attend church regularly. Not really interested in growing in a relationship with God. Doesn’t really talk about God, or Faith, or Spiritual things. Fruits of the spirit are not apparent in this person’s life (love, joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, patience (not pushing your way), gentleness (self-control))

Question for them to determine this: So, what’s God doing or showing you, in your life right now?

 Unconscious.

 

  • Draws attention to their self.In the way they dress, or the tone of their voice, or they are flirtatious regularly, or they purposely go out of their way to flaunt a behavior or talk about a subject to capture the attention of a proposed interested party – they buy personal gifts, or lavish gifts -or provide cooked items or favors over and above the normal (usually for the opposite sex) in an attempt to gain approval, or get affirmed, or just get attention. It can harm a developing relationship because these types of gestures are always misunderstood, and usually the ‘doer’ justifies their behavior as being a ‘good friend’. Beware of these types of individuals – they are searching for affirmations externally rather than find it within. Exhibitionists.

I Hope you will evaluate and tread easily into new relationships, or your current one with a greater knowledge and understanding of who you are, what you need, and create healthy boundaries, so you know who is meant in your life for a moment, a season, or a lifetime! Create your personal list….BELIEVE in this person, TRUST in God’s favor, KNOW you are deserving of this partner for life, and your soul mate will manifest!!!

Happy Dating!! May you discover your last first kiss soon!!

Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole

The ideas expressed in this blog are the sole opinions and professional advice of Life Coach Annalisa O’Toole and are for individual voluntary reading and insight is based upon personal perspective. This material is intended to be used as a guide and may not be suited for everyone.

 

 

Attachment…

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Attachment...

Do you feel an ‘Attachment’ to things? THINGS are so often ‘attached’ to feelings. We may feel powerful in a particular style suit. We may ‘feel’ prestigious driving the model car we are so attached to. (Mine would so be the Jag- if money were plentiful) I feel ‘organized’ attached to my old school, paper-binder-day-planner. Some feel attached to their job, which is often their passion, so their own identity is affiliated to this career attachment, that’s what makes it so difficult sometimes for some to lose their job. It wasn’t just the loss of a pay-check; their job was where they subconsciously attached their self-worth or their sense of belonging. The most fulfilling, and yet, ironically- the most devastating attachment of course, I’m sure you could guess it, is the special RELATIONSHIP attachment. People make or break us. We receive so many fulfillments in human relationships. This is the exact reason people are so attached to pets – their need to always have a companion, a never-failing friend, one who is always wagging a tail, licking, or happy to see us, or in the case of certain pets, just always there – never mind we are keeping them captive!!
Attachment could possibly be good and bad. Attachment is bittersweet. Attachment is part of life for monetary and relational benefits. So…the big questions people ask about this subject…
WHY AM I SO ATTACHED TO THIS?
WHEN DID I BECOME SO ATTACHED?
HOW DO I UNATTATCH MYSELF?
The only people NOT asking these type questions are those people still attached to something; so they aren’t missing that person or thing they are attached to. Other’s not asking, are simply people who are not attached.
Most people do not even realize they are extremely attached to something. It just happens, day-in and day-out like the sunrise and sunset.
So…the question is this: Is attachment good or bad? Is attachment good with some things and in some areas, and not good in other area’s? Here’s what the coach says….
If the person or thing you’re attached to is YOUR WHOLE WORLD…this is unhealthy. Healthy attachments are the keys to emotionally healthy lives. If you make an attachment your world, your world will crumble. If you make your expectations or your preferences your attachment, you will experience disappointment. If your lifestyle, your career, your passions, your creativity and contribution, and your service to others doesn’t derive from a peaceful place within you, in other words, you place these vital needs in things outside yourself, or in monetary things, you will surely experience hardship, hurt, and major crisis throughout your life. There is only one way to experience and provide yourself with healthy attachments…BE ATTACHED AND ADDICTED TO GOD WITHIN YOU! When you are living a life guided by the Holy Spirit, you are living with peace, harmony and an understanding that God may only allow people and things to be in your life for a brief moment, a season, or a lifetime. The only attachment that is NOT jeopardized is your relationship attachment to our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus creates us to feel alive, feel at peace, provides us the desire to love and serve others. Here’s a list of how God can make you feel when you allow Him into your life:
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR TALENTS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR GIFTS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR PREFERRENCES, NEVER SETTLING.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR DESIRES AND DEEPEST NEEDS.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR IDEAL MATE, NOT SETTLING.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING YOUR HOBBIES and INTERESTS.
He’ll help you feel great about FORGIVING YOURSELF AND TRULY LOVING YOURSELF.
He’ll help you feel great about DETERMINING YOUR PLANS YOUR DREAMS.
He’ll help you feel great about ALLOWING YOURSELF TO DREAM.
He’ll help you feel great about BEING SO FOCUSED ON YOUR ASPIRATIONS THAT NOTHING CAN DETOUR YOU.
He’ll help you UNDERSTAND AND KNOW THAT ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE IS NOT CREATING OR DEFINING WHO YOU ARE, HE ALREADY DETERMINED THAT! IT’S UP TO US TO GO TO HIM AND DISCOVER MORE!
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT ATTACHMENT TO A TITLE OR POSITION IS NOT YOUR TRUE IDENTITY.
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT HE MADE YOU IN HIS LIKENESS, SO YOU ARE POWERFUL, GREAT, AND TALENTED!
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT “HOW SOMEONE TREATS YOU IS ABOUT THEIR TRUE CHARACTER, NOT YOURS.”
He’ll help you feel great about KNOWING THAT NOTHING ON EARTH IS A GUARANTEE, BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHERE YOU ARE, OR WHO YOU’RE WITH!
REMEMBER, it’s up to you, to make it a fabulous day! BE HEALTHFULLY ATTACHED TO ALL GOD GUIDES YOU TO, AND BECOME unattached TO ALL unhealthy PEOPLE OR THINGS THAT DO NOT SERVE YOUR PURPOSE GOD HAS PLACED WITHIN YOU!!!
Coach Annalisa
http://www.annalisaotoole.com

God’s delay…

God’s delay is not His denial. People get frustrated when things aren’t happening. People doubt God’s presence in their lives; first, because they can’t physically see Him. Second, they can’t see solutions or progress to their (or other’s) problems. But the key to patience and faith when life’s
challenges come, is to fix your eyes upon the “unseen”. This is practiced by so few people because most people reserve “spiritual thoughts” for church attendance. But Jesus taught us to, “be ye not conformed unto this world but fix your eyes upon things above.”
We do have to get along in this world. We have to adapt. We must comply with laws, and must be kind to others, but we are not bound by wordly ways, we aren’t prisoner of society pressures, or under order’s to certain expectations or trends. When we feel pressure to comply with secular or popular choices, it is then, we have “conformed” unto wordly ways.
So, how then, do we shift our eyes to the “unseen” for patience, for peace, for harmony, through our trials? If I were to ask this question, the answers would be similar, as most would say: prayer, a close friend, clergy, or family member to mentor you, and some would say going to church more. While all these practices could aide in preparing our hearts and minds for spiritual matters, there is still, yet one method so few people practice. It’s the solution to self-comfort, self-realization, self-awareness, but it’s not self absorbed, or selfish. It’s not a popular act. In fact, it is often critisized, and viewed as some third world country ritual, it is thought to be new age, sacreligious, or part of a cult. It is looked upon by many as un-christianlike.
The secret to “setting your eyes upon the things above” is MEDITATION. Indeed there are many types of meditation. But think about this, if one is quietly focused on “one area” of life at a time, not the negative aspects at all, but the mere moment you’re presently in, the mere breath you take, the gratefulness of life and your life as it is right now, it is rejuvenating!!  How can the Lord show you the way, if your eyes and focus are always invloved in what’s going on outside yourself. But, taking time to listen to your heart, Listen to your soul, your gut feeling. The Holy spirit can work in and through you when you stop, and take time to listen…to get in the quiet, to really hear Him speaking into your mind. Hearing, seeing, and feeling can all be as one when you’re in quiet meditation, allowing God to move through you. It’s empowering.
The “secular” way of life is allowing constant wordly events to predict your behaviors rather than responding from a convicted, passionate place within, where there’s little to no doubt, fear, or worry. And strong meditators can shift these feelings more quickly because they realize they come from a dark unatural place, and want more for their lives than energy spent on such.
If you would like a beginners CD for guiding you in a meditation, I have them available. Be careful of meditations on You Tube, or internet meditations, as the source may not be credible to your beliefs or motives.
Remember, in the LOUD  and ACTIVE events of life, our brain can stop being creative. Help your mind be stimulated. In the quiet meditation of your mind, body and soul, this is where God can speak to you personally. It is quite intimate, and many people fear this. This intimacy with yourself and God can be the antidote for longsuffering, self-doubt, and feeling blocks toward moving forward in life in the direction of your dreams!!
Happy Meditations and Prayers,
Coach Annalisa
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net
678-431-6528 consult or CD orders

Boundaries

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There’s A LOT of people unable to set boundaries. Boundaries are your personal beliefs being carried out.  Boundaries can be defending these beliefs with a paricular action.For example, if you believe strongly in attending worship weekly- you strive to attend church weekly for yourself. Some people turn their boundaries into expectations. This can be good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. An example of an
unhealthy action in this example would be ‘expecting’ someone else to attend church with you. The unhealthy part, is when a person projects their expectation onto someone else, they will most likely be dissappointed, as people don’t always share our values, beliefs, or priorities. Healthy relationships recognize differences, and don’t constantly work against them.
Lack of setting boundaries can prevent others from respecting you,prevent your deeper expectations to be met for yourself, and prevent peace and balance in your life.
Setting boundaries takes confidence, strong sense of self, and faith. Setting boundaries is the ability to let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Setting boundaries is perceived as your knowledge of inner convictions, (firm decisions) you’ve established for your life.
Lack of communicating your boundaries, but continuing to expect different outcomes causes frustration, stress, and dissappointment. Lack of communicating your beliefs and boundaries also creates confusion, chaos and many times, leads to arguements.
Boundaries are not commands. They are not orders. They are not ultimatums, nor manipulative directives. They are not random acts in reactions to others. Boundaries should be peaceful decisions you’ve decided on, in advance, after careful research, prayer and consideration. Communicating your needs should not be arguementative, it’s not mean, or hateful, and you shouldn’t feel guilty expressing yourself. There is no need to sugar coat, or defend your belief. Simply stated is best.
Here are some examples of healthy boundaries in Christian Dating:
*I don’t kiss or express affection unless I’m in a committed relationship.
*I don’t like or go to horror films
*I like talking early evenings, I turn my ringer off at 9:30pm because I get up at 5 am M-F.
We don’t express our boundaries because of the following:
~We don’t want to hurt feelings or let someone down. (if this is the case, your lowering your self-worth, and saying their expectations are more important than your inner desires.)
~We are afraid they won’t like us, or think less of us, judge us, or reject us (if this is true, then again, we’ve given them power to judge us based on false beliefs, false values! You’re giving them permission to decide Who ‘they’ think we are, vs. who we ‘really’ are!) Relationships with unmatched values are the most difficult. The best test on matching values is: DON’T BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES, LIKES, DISLIKES, BELIEFS!!)
~We are afraid of  being alone. (If this is true, you’re sacrifycing your inner peace, and deeper needs just to have someone there.) This is a recipe for future relational diseaster!! At some point, your unfulfilled needs will grow heavier than your need to be in a relationship, and it’s harder to disconnect because you haven’t spoken up before about these needs (boundaries); so now, you’re caught with egg on your face…it’s as if you lied!!
Be true to yourself. God made you in His image, so your inner needs are God~instilled. You are special, and there IS someone who will appreciate and adore you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
BOUNDARIES define your greatness.
BOUNDARIES show you like YOU!
BOUNDARIES earn respect.
BOUNDARIES are who you are!
BOUNDARIES influence others.BOUNDARIES create self~esteem.
BOUNDARIES give others insight.
BOUNDARIES affirm confidence.
BOUNDARIES teach who you are.
BOUNDARIES prevents stress.
BOUNDARIES are cake for leaders.
BOUNDARIES lack in weak people.
BOUNDARIES are different from
   Expectations which are about others, boundaries are about YOU!!

Happy Boundary setting…(define yourself!! Communicate your

boundaries!! Be who you are, not who you think some
one else wants you to be!!)
Coach Annalisa~
Website:
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net
Follow me on Twitter: @coachannalisa

You are WORTHY…

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Hello Friends!! Due to popular setbacks in my Life Coaching Client world, I decided to share an amazing blog of words for you to recite…repeat…and meditate on. Affirmations, otherwise known as ~SELF-TALK~ can influence your mind, reach your subconcious, create new beliefs…this GREATLY determines your emotions, actions & life!! These words, will empower you to have more positive thoughts, a better self~image, & start your day with abundant thinking…a can~do attitude to accomplish all goals, tackle obstacles, & move forward with a peaceful & enlightened spirit to seize the day!
Here are the words to say DAILY…
Thank you, Lord, for my blessings.
Thank you for making me special.
Thank you for creating my life.
Thank you for my gifts & talents.
Help me add value to others lives.
Help me contribute to others success
Help me overcome challenges.
Help me think positively & lovingly
Show me what I need to do.
Show me where I need to go.
Show me who I need to serve.
Show me who needs help.
Show me the path to take.
Because I’m made in your image~
I know I’m great & can do gr8 things
I know I can be the difference
I know I can make progress
I know I can use my gifts for good
I know I am talented
I know my talents will serve others
I know I’m worthy of greatness
I know I ‘ve fallen short in the past!
I forgive myself.!
I am forgiving the others.!
I am letting go of the past.!
I move forward with positiveness!
I am at peace.!
I choose loving responses to others!
I am controlling my thoughts!
I am controlling my emotions.!
I am remaining calm & considerate!
I am respectful of others!
I respond in kindness!
I am not worrying, I live in Faith!
I live by Faith not Fear to guide me!
I am happy, healthy, & fabulous!
I am making wise, Christian choices!
I am creating the best me!
I declare excellence in my life!
I declare blessings to approach me!
I declare tranquility in my life!
I declare emotional health in my life
I declare positive people in my life!
I declare healthy relationships!
I allow the Holy Spirits guidance
I am following Christ
I am creating my best life now!!

To order an audio prayer CD for personal empowerment, call the Coach!!

…..remember, its up to YOU to make it a FABULOUS DAY!!

Life Coach, Relationship Specialist & Inspirational Speaker,
Annalisa O’Toole
678.431.6528
http://www.inspiredlifecoaching.net

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